A Glimpse
by STLedwath1417
Summary: It's been nearly 5 years since Nathan and Haley decided to end their engagement. Nathan and Haley learn to deal with their past, and their present, when Nathan moves back to New York City. Will they be able to overcome their baggage? Can they be just friends?
1. Chapter 1

_A Glimpse_

 _A GLIMPSE through an interstice caught,_

 _Of a crowd of workmen and drivers in a bar-room around_

 _the stove late of a winter night, and I unremark'd seated_

 _in a corner,_

 _Of a youth who loves me and whom I love, silently,_

 _approaching and seating himself near, that he may hold_

 _me by the hand,_

 _A long while amid the noises of coming and going, of_

 _drinking and oath and smutty jest,_

 _There we two, content, happy in being together, speaking_

 _little, perhaps not a word._

 _-Walt Whitman_

* * *

June 15, 2017

Nathan stepped out of the Staples Center in Los Angeles and of course it was raining. 5 years ago, rain was something that he would've prayed for and now it always came on the worst of days. He sat in his Range Rover and immediately ran his hands through his soaking wet hair. He couldn't believe a word that his coach and the general manager of the Lakers just told him – he was being traded back to the New York Knicks. At that thought he slammed his fists repeatedly in the steering wheel while yelling out in frustration.

The drive to his penthouse apartment took longer today than normal, but he needed it to think. As he stepped inside, he sighed with a little relief to finally be back home. His relief was short lived when he saw his red-headed late night booty call sitting in his living room in his button down shirt.

"Rachel, I told you to return my key not to make yourself at home in my apartment." Nathan really didn't have time to deal with her, not after being told he was returning to New York City sometime soon.

She stood and began slowly approaching Nathan. "Come on Nate, I figured we could have a little bit of fun. It's been a long time since you've called and I know that we both miss how great the sex is." Rachel purred while unbuttoning the top button of her shirt.

He met Rachel through mutual friends in L.A. about a half a year ago. Nathan was lonely, needed a girl to distract him and Rachel had a hot body – it worked. She understood that it was strictly sex between them. Then he got bored and she got clingy, he stopped calling her late at night to fill a void. After all, Rachel would never be Haley.

Rachel pressed herself against him and starting kissing his neck and running her hands over his chest. "Sorry Rach, you don't really do it for me anymore." He knew that was harsh, but it was the truth. She stepped back scoffing and started putting her own clothes back on.

"You're a real dick you know that? I mean god forbid the 'great Nathan Scott' let someone past that hard exterior wall," She threw him his key and his shirt, "She's never going to love you again – I mean who could love someone that does the things that you have." And with that she was out the door and he was alone with the silence. Rachel didn't know anything about it, except that sometimes he was moaning out someone else's name while they were fucking.

He spent the last 5 years avoiding everything that he left behind… or was he pushed away. It was such a blur, that Nathan didn't even understand what really happened sometimes. He tried everything to make that feeling in his heart go away – basketball, drinking, sleeping with women – but a piece of his heart would always remain there with Haley.

He had one week to pack up his life and move it across the country to a place that he knew would feel foreign. Hours later, Nathan was 12 boxes of packing deep when he decided to call Lucas. A few rings and then he heard Lucas' voice.

"Hey Nate! It's been a while little brother what are you up to?" Lucas was in the middle of working on a new story, but if Nathan was calling late at night then it must have been important.

"Packing up my apartment. I actually just found the first copy of Unkindness of Ravens, un-edited. How much do you think I could sell that for, considering it might be a one-hit-wonder?" Nathan laughed. He knew Lucas was having a hard time writing a new novel.

"Well you know I am the husband of a very successful label owner so… wait a second did you say packing up your apartment? You love that place!" Their initial conversation was no longer important, Nathan was trying to distract Lucas from his first statement.

"Yeah I did Luke…because I'm not a Laker anymore." That was the first time he said it out loud and it stung a little. Basketball was his life. He would have played for any team anywhere but he had grown to love being a Laker. The atmosphere at the Staples Arena and playing with his team was like a dream come true… well one of his dreams.

"What happened, Nate? Where are you going now?" Lucas was worried for his brother. Change usually brought on a very dark, narcissistic Nathan. It was his way of coping; it always had been. Lucas just didn't want to see him head down that same path.

"That's actually why I called. They traded me back to the Knicks." A short silence fell on the other end of the line. Nathan knew Lucas was trying to gage the situation the best he could.

"You're moving back home?" Except it wasn't Lucas that broke the silence, it was definitely Peyton, Nathan was always a culprit of speaker phone. "Lucas give me the phone!... Nathan Scott tell me more" She was a very impatient woman.

"I mean I don't really have much of a choice. The Lakers told me today that they were sending me back. Mind putting me up for a while?" Nathan questioned. He knew they would agree to letting him stay at their house because that's the kind of people they were.

"Are you kidding? Of course you can stay here. With the baby coming soon it'll actually be nice having a helping hand around the house. Sawyer is quite the handful now a day… okay well I guess you can finish talking to Luke now. Bye!" Nathan laughed, Peyton always talked fast. He was grateful for them sticking by his side even though he might not have deserved it.

"Well I guess you're moving in little brother. We are really happy you're coming back, and I know Sawyer will be more than thrilled to see you. Prepare for tea parties."

Nathan smiled. He had a soft spot for Sawyer. She was Peyton wrapped up into a 4 year-old. "Okay, man. I've got to get back to packing. The movers are coming in a few days for my stuff. I'll text you my flight details later. Thanks Luke… for everything"

"Anytime, Nate." ~~~ "Bye Luke"

He kept flipping through his old box of stuff – mostly from high school when he came across a picture he hadn't seen in years. It was crinkled at the edges and worn, it was 10 years old – a whole different world for Nathan Scott. In the picture, Nathan was swinging Haley in his arms at the river court. Peyton snapped the picture in a candid moment that captured the essence of their relationship and feelings towards one another. It was a little blurry but it had always been his favorite. You could see the joy in her deep brown eyes and the adoration in his blue ones – they were totally in love. He put the picture back in the box and sighed. On that note, he was gonna go to bed. Tonight was not the night that he wanted to walk down memory lane.

* * *

June 18, 2017

Sunday had always been Haley's favorite day. She would wake up in the morning, make some coffee (with just a little milk and one sugar), grab the newspaper, her guitar and sit on the patio of her brownstone. She would be there for hours doing the daily crossword, sometimes dabbling in new songs or just playing ones she already knew. Today would be no different. She was a struggling singer/café waitress who played at local dive bars and on the street but that was okay with her – she didn't want the recording contract or anything that came with it.

The sun was shining today in New York and she was going to soak up every minute of it. Haley was happy, finally. After therapy and finding Blake she was happy. He was a 31-year old oncologist at the Brooklyn Methodist Hospital, they had met through her sister Quinn at the opening of her photography gallery. He was tall, skinny and had brown hair. He was intelligent and kind. The last 2 years between them were great and she loved him.

Her sliding glass door broke her out of her reverie. "Hi Hales, I brought you lunch." She turned around to see Blake holding a bag from her favorite sandwich place.

"It's lunch time already? I totally lost track of time. Thank you so much." She had been playing songs on her guitar for hours. Haley stood up to grab the bag and kissed him on the cheek. "You just get off work?"

Blake smiled at his gorgeous, barefoot girlfriend, "Yes. Night shifts are always long and grueling but this one turned out okay." He sat at a table on Haley's patio and started eating lunch with her. "You write anything new this morning?"

"Oh no. I have had a lack of inspiration lately. Just been enjoying the weather and playing some old stuff."

"A typical Haley James Sunday." He laughed at her, she had been doing this since she'd known him. They carried on in light, easy conversation until their lunch was finished.

"I don't mean to skip out on you Haley but I'm exhausted. I'm gonna head home and catch some sleep." He kissed her goodbye and told her that he loved her, which she always happily returned.

Haley walked into her Brooklyn brownstone and started tidying up. She couldn't believe that she lived here for almost 6 years. She looked around. It was huge but thanks to Brooke's decorating skills it felt like home. She ran her hands over her collection of "A Brave New World" by Aldous Huxley that sat on the fire place and smiled. From her personal library to the painting by Peyton above the fireplace – she loved every square inch of this place but it would always be missing something. Blake used to question how she could afford a place like this and she chalked it up to loving, helpful parents. She didn't know if she could ever tell him the truth.

* * *

 _2011_

 _"_ _Okay Hales. Keep your eyes closed okay. It's a surprise." Nathan gently led Haley down the street, while covering her eyes. Nathan had been waiting for this moment since he met her._

 _"_ _Nathan seriously, this is NOT funny. If you're taking me somewhere to be murdered Lucas and Peyton will figure it out!" Haley could not figure out where Nathan was taking her to in Brooklyn that had to be a surprise._

 _"_ _Like I could ever live without you Haley James. Okay babe, you ready? One. Two. Three." Nathan removed his hands. Haley blinked her eyes a few time as she stood in front of a brownstone._

 _"_ _Nathan, what is this?" Haley's heart was racing, she had a feeling about what he was going to say but was trying so hard not to get her hopes up. Nathan didn't say a word while he dragged Haley up some stairs and inside._

 _He began to explain what their lives would be like here. "An old Brooklyn brownstone. Right near Peyton and Lucas, also very close to Brooke. There's a room in the back where I thought you could put all your books and a piano – so you can sing to me. A small yard outside that's still big enough for a basketball hoop," He pulled her flush against him and lowered his voice, "and lots of bedrooms upstairs to fill with lots of kids." He kissed her hard. "I think we could have fun practicing that part."_

 _Haley had to pull away before she got lost in all that was Nathan Scott. "Sounds nice …especially the lots of kids." Nathan smirked, he would never get over the thought of having babies with her, something that was a piece of both of them – he couldn't wait for that day._

 _"_ _What if I told you that I just bought this place. What do you say, fiancé? Live here with me, make it our home." Nathan kissed her again. He looked at her and the smile she had on her face reached her eyes, and he knew that his mirrored hers. He would do anything to keep that smile there forever."_

 _"_ _I have so many dreams wrapped up in you Nathan Scott. Yes. I love it. And I love you."_

* * *

June 19, 2017

Nathan couldn't believe that he was here. As soon as he stepped off of that plane he felt a weight in his heart that he tried to rid himself of a long time ago – honestly, until this very moment he thought he had. But I guess that's what this city – New York City – would always do to him.

Nathan looked up to see Peyton waiting outside the terminal. It felt good to see a familiar face. She ran and hugged him. It had felt like forever since they last saw each other.

"Wow Peyton, you're a lot bigger than the last time I saw you. Can you even fit behind a steering wheel?" Nathan laughed while pointing to Peyton's now 6-month pregnant belly.

"Nathan Royal Scott I will kick your ass. But it is so good to see you. How've you been buddy?"

"Considering being back here for good it seems… I guess I'm okay," That was a pretty honest answer, it hadn't fully hit him how he was going to exactly deal with being back. Peyton raised her eyebrows, giving him a pointed look. She could read his mind; she knew what happened last time he was here. "I promise I will tell you if things get bad, okay? Now where is Lucas?" He was surprised to see Lucas not with Peyton, they practically haven't left each other's sides since they were 17 years old.

"He's at home with Sawyer – I insisted that I come pick you up myself. Is that a problem?" She answered and elbowed him in the ribs.

"Geez. No Peyton, you're always such a joy to be around." Nathan retorted.

Nathan and Peyton were friends long before either of them had a relationship with Lucas. Peyton lost her mom at a young age and strangely found herself looking to Nathan for comfort. They grew up in a small town in North Carolina… Tree Hill. Lucas and Nathan shared the same dad – biologically – however, Nathan grew up with him and Lucas didn't. Dan wasn't always the greatest dad but since he had a heart attack their senior year of high school, things had changed – he made and effort to form a relationship with Lucas and fix the one he had with Nathan. He and Lucas had always hated each other, mainly because they never had the chance to know each other. Once Lucas had joined the basketball team Junior year, Nathan had gone after Haley, for revenge. That idea didn't turn out like he planned because he found himself falling for Haley in a real, sometimes scary way, and Lucas in turn made a connection with Peyton. Peyton and Haley had given both Lucas and Nathan a brother. Through all the years Peyton had remained loyal to Nathan's friendship, no matter the circumstances. He would always be grateful to her… and to Lucas. He would've lost his way years ago if it wasn't for them.

By the time they got to Peyton and Lucas's house it was nearly midnight. He wasn't surprised to see that nothing had changed about their home. It was big, nice but still filled with records, pictures and toys. Some may call it a little chaotic but it was nice – it described their family well and felt like a home should feel.

"You know Lucas and Sawyer are probably hogging up the whole bed right now, I might not even fit in it. She breaks out the puppy dog eyes and Lucas is like putty in her hands." Peyton laughed and shook her head.

Nathan cracked a smile at the thought, his brother was a sucker for both women in his life. "I can't wait to see her tomorrow. Go to bed and be with your family Peyton. God knows I would give anything to have that." At that, Peyton gave him a sad smile and hugged him again.

"I'm sorry Nathan. I know that being back is hard for you but it will get better with time. And Luke and I are always here to talk. You know you can tell me anything." She let go and gave him one last, warm look.

"I know, thanks for that. Goodnight Peyton" She went upstairs. Nathan stood in his place for a while and took it all in, it was finally sinking in that he was here. The place where his whole world fell apart. He didn't' want to think about it. About how happy they were then. He was happy then. Things were so different now… he was angry and she was happy. He didn't come here to ruin that for her. He spent nearly 5 years trying to move on because as long as she was okay then so was he. Except he wasn't okay, he didn't know if he would ever be.

He ran upstairs and splashed some cold water on his face. How was he going to face her face her after all these years? He was still so angry about the past sometimes; she probably was too. The thought of her could somehow still ease the anger and hurt he felt, even if she had caused some of it. He started to panic, he couldn't breathe, every memory came flooding back to him and then Nathan Scott did something that he hadn't done in years. He started crying, and he couldn't stop. Tears were streaming uncontrollably down his face as he clutched the sides of the sink. He dropped to the floor and cried for what he had lost here and prayed to God that he could find the strength to fix what was broken within him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you all so much for the reviews! Writing this is extremely branching out for me and I sincerely appreciate all the things you guys have to say! I really hope that you enjoy this chapter of the story. xoxo**

* * *

June 20, 2017

Haley smiled at Blake from across the room at one of his friend's apartments. They usually did something like this once a month. She would hang out with his friends and their wives for a couple hours and try to make small talk and enjoy games with them. It was hard for her sometimes, while his friends were terrific and funny, most of their wives' were skin deep. She only stuck it out because it made Blake happy and he was always more than happy to spend time with her friends.

The guys were all in the living room catching up on the latest Sports center and she was two glasses of wine deep in the adjoining kitchen.

"So Haley, have you and Blake talked about getting married any time soon?" There it was. Every time without fail she was asked this question.

"We've never really talked about it. But things between us are good so I'm not in any rush to change anything." Haley has perfected that reply – she used it with his friends, his family and even her family now.

"Well he is totally in love with you. I think you would make the cutest kids."

She gritted out a reply through her teeth, "I'm sure we would." Haley quickly excused herself to the living room. She need a break. She was getting ready to sit down by Blake when what she heard on the TV stopped her in her tracks:

 ** _"_** ** _Breaking news coming from the west coast this evening. The Los Angeles Lakers have confirmed that a quiet trade was made about a week ago. Nathan Scott is coming back to the New York Knicks. Scott has been the best player the Lakers have seen in years so this move is very bold and shocking. For those of you who don't remember, Scott started his career off as a Point Guard with the Knicks quite a few years ago. He was seen getting off a plane at LaGuardia airport late last night. His agent and friend, Clay Evans, has yet to release a statement regarding this new information. Best of luck to Nathan Scott and his future with the New York Knicks. That's all for sports tonight."_**

Everyone seemed so excited, even the wives knew that having Nathan Scott play for the Knicks was a big deal. But their excitement and conversations seemed miles away to Haley. She was shocked, nervous, angry. Apparently the look on her face said it all because she was now realizing the stares coming her way.

Owen was the first to speak up "Haley, are you okay? You look a little pale." She felt pale. Her chest was constricted, she had to keep reminding herself to breath.

She worked up a response "Uh, yeah. I'm fine. I just need a little air." Then she flew to the apartment balcony. She had to fight so hard to keep in her tears, it would be hard to explain her reaction anyways and would be even worse if she started to cry. She could think about Nathan and feel okay, sometimes smile at memories… but having him back here was different. She didn't know if she could see him again – which Haley knew would happen in a few days at Sawyer's birthday party. At that thought, Haley got angry. How could Lucas not warn her? They were supposed to be best friends…

Her thoughts were soon interrupted, "Hales, are you sure you're okay?" Haley turned to look at Blake who seemed very thrown off and concerned. She ran her hands through her hair.

"Yeah. I promise I'm okay." She couldn't get into this with Blake right now.

He wrapped his arm around her shoulder and pulled her in. "You seem to have forgotten that I know you, Haley. You can tell me anything."

She sighed, "I just knew Nathan in high school. I don't know if you remember but he's Lucas' brother. I was just thrown off that he's coming back here for good after so many years."

Blake decided to drop it, but he gave a look that said 'I'm not buying this but we can talk about it later'… "Okay"

* * *

Nathan, Lucas and Peyton were sitting on the patio while Sawyer was inside sleeping. Nathan took a long sip of his cold beer, it was a good night for this. The news of his trade was announced earlier than he expected, he was kind of hoping that Lucas would get the chance to talk to Haley first. He was positive that she was feeling a little ambushed. He looked to his right to see how content Lucas and Peyton looked with each other, barely holding hands but more in touch with each other than most couples would ever be.

"So Lucas, on a scale of 1-10 how scary was your conversation with Haley earlier when she called?" Nathan knew Haley. She was always spunky and never let it be unknown that she was upset.

"Honestly, calmer than I thought she would be. But Haley has always had a hard time not saying exactly what she's feeling. She was caught off guard and it's easier for her to take her frustration out on me. I've grown accustomed to that." Lucas said.

Peyton chimed in, "Just a heads up for you Nathan, Blake is coming to Sawyer's birthday party. You don't have to talk to him or like him, I don't really expect you too. But I don't want you to feel ambushed either." Nathan cringed at hearing his name. He knew that Haley had met someone, that wasn't a secret that Lucas or Peyton would keep from him. But it wasn't any easier to hear about it now.

Lucas noticed the look on Nathans face, "Sorry man. Haley's happy though so if you could keep your temper in check…"

"I'm not gonna do anything stupid Lucas. Can we change the subject now?" Nathan was tired of thinking about Haley.

Peyton carried on in conversation about Sawyer's party and Nathans mood instantly lightened. She talked about how Dan and Deb were coming and that Keith, Karen and Lily were going to make the trip up for the weekend. It would be nice for Nathan to see everyone in one place again. Haley and Lucas had both gotten accepted into Columbia their senior year of high school – both wanted to study English and Literature. Nathan gave up Duke to be close to both of them and played for Columbia – they weren't the best team but he had still made enough noise to get drafted to the NBA. And it worked out well because New York was the perfect place for Brooke to start her fashion label and for Peyton to get involved with music. It was like New York was where Nathan was always going to end up.

"Alright, you two knuckleheads can continue drinking your beers but this mama is exhausted and fat and needs to go to bed so she can keep up with an almost 4-year-old and slightly moody recording artist tomorrow." Peyton practically waddled back into the house after kissing Lucas goodnight.

"Dude, I can't believe that you're about to have two kids. It feels like Sawyer was just born yesterday." Nathan knew Lucas was wrapped around that little girl's finger, he couldn't imagine how he could handle two.

"I know, and Peyton is getting moodier every day. I'm talking moodier than she was in high school."

Nathan laughed, "Coming from the one Brooke nick-named Broody in high-school?"

"Shut up," They both laughed. It was nice for both of them to be this close to each other. "You wanna go shoot some hoops? I bet I could still take you little brother."

"Any day old man. You do remember that I do this for a living?" Then they were back at it, just like at the river court in high school.

* * *

June 22, 2017

Brooke and Haley walked into a small café near clothes over bros around 2 o'clock for a late lunch. They tried to do this at least once a week, Peyton tried to join them as often as she could but her schedule is a lot crazier than Brooke and Haley's. They were seated at their usual corner table.

"Alright Hales, I need all the juicy details about how Blake reacted when he finally found out that your ex-fiancé was Nathan Scott." Brooke stated. They used this time to catch up on the gossip in each other's lives, and when Peyton called Brooke yesterday and told her that Nathan's return to New York had been publicly broadcasted, she couldn't wait to talk to Haley.

"There's nothing to tell you because I haven't told him yet." Brooke's eyes widened at Haley's admission.

"Haley James! What have you been doing the past two days?" Brooke questioned. Haley rolled her eyes at her.

"He's been working a lot at the hospital and when he isn't I spend my time trying to avoid him so that I can avoid that topic all-together." Haley told her.

"This isn't something you should avoid. Blake's a good guy. He already knows pretty much everything else. I mean you and Nathan haven't even seen each other for five years." Brooke stated nonchalantly. Haley looked up at Brooke, her face ridden with guilt. "Haley, it has been five years right?

"Maybe like two years…" Haley said, while Brooke's jaw dropped to the floor.

"Spill, tutor girl."

* * *

 _April 2015 (2 years ago)_

 _It was nearly midnight; Haley was curled up on the couch listening to Billy Joel on vinyl. It was her way of trying to wind down, after all, she knew that Nathan was in town this week. The Lakers had a series of games against the New York Knicks, and she'd be lying if she said she didn't watch every single game that Nathan played in. Just because she broke up with him 3 years ago, didn't mean she didn't care about him._

 _She heard a knock on her door and wondered who could be at her door at midnight. She opened the door slowly and the sight in front of her took her breath away. Haley was suddenly very aware of the leggings and oversized sweater she was wearing, accompanied by a messy bun._

 _"_ _Nathan…" That's all she could manage to get out. He looked disheveled. Haley assumed from the way they lost that game, but Nathan knew that it was for a totally different reason.._

 _"_ _Hi Hales. Can I come in?" Nathan looked at her with sad eyes. He thought she looked beautiful, but he'd always thought that. She immediately stepped aside, letting him in and leading him in the kitchen._

 _"_ _Can I, uh, get you something to drink or eat or…" She must look like a bumbling idiot. Haley couldn't believe that she couldn't act normal around him._

 _"_ _No. I'm okay. Thanks." He continued to look at her in silence. Which only made Haley grow anxious and a little self-conscious. ._

 _"_ _Why are you here Nathan?" Haley questioned._

 _"_ _I just needed to be able to breathe again. This is the only place in New York that doesn't make me feel like I'm suffocating. You're the only person who makes that go away." He stepped close to Haley. Haley could say it was too close for her liking, but she did like it. The way that he invaded her and could still make her weak at the knees after all this time._

 _Nathan could feel it too. That pull he would always have towards her, even after she ripped his heart out of his chest. He touched his hand to her cheek and allowed himself to enjoy her soft skin, the smell of her hair. Haley bit her lip and that was all it took to make Nathan come unglued. He claimed her lips with his own. Nathan sensed her hesitance. They haven't spoken in over 3 years, he honestly wasn't sure that it was the best idea. After a few seconds, he could feel her melt into him and he didn't care if this was the right decision or not._

 _The minute he stepped into this apartment Haley knew she was a goner. He looked so broken, and so was she. This wouldn't fix anything but god did it feel good to be tangling her arms around Nathan again._

 _Before they knew it they were in Haley's room, their old room, and he had her pushed against the door, her legs wrapped around his waist. Nathan was trying to control himself and take his time, but the sounds that were escaping her was enough to almost end things before they started. He knew that any control he had would dissipate very easily._

 _Haley broke her mouth away from Nathan's for the first time as he moved his kisses to her neck, "I want you, Nathan." And he didn't need any more encouragement. After those words, their remaining clothes were shed in a quick motion to the bed._

 _Without hesitation, he joined them together in a slow, torturous pace, both calling out each other's names at the feeling of being connected again. Nathan's body was buzzing with pleasure, "God Hales, you're so tight." He'd been with countless women since Haley broke up with him but this is what he pictured every time. She was who he pictured every time. No one would ever make him feel this good._

 _Haley could feel herself teetering on the edge of total pleasure. It had been so long for her, and god did she miss him. How could something so wrong, feel so right?_

 _Nathan could feel himself getting closer to climax, but there was no way that he was going to get off without finishing the job for Haley first. He reached between their bodies to bring Haley to her undoing. And her undoing, the way she said his name as it happened, was his undoing._

 _Haley and Nathan laid entangled in bed, and Haley started running her finger tips along Nathan's chest. "That was… wow." Nathan smirked and looked down at her. It was, and looking at her made his heart ache. That was a temporary fix._

 _"_ _Well that's always been wow between us, Hales." Nathan replied. He felt Haley smile against him and he smiled too. For a minute, he pretended that nothing had ever changed between them._

 _"_ _I miss you, Nathan." She wanted him to know that._

 _That made his body go stiff. He immediately climbed out of bed and started throwing on his clothes. Haley wrapped the sheet tight around her as she sat up. "Where are you going?"_

 _"_ _Somewhere that's not here. It wasn't right to come see you, to use you like this." Nathan was rushing around trying to find his jacket._

 _"_ _So this meant nothing to you?" Haley asked as her voice cracked._

 _Nathan finally found his jacket and looked Haley in the eyes, "This meant nothing to me." The words were like sandpaper in his mouth- of course he didn't mean them. Haley knew he was lying but it still hurt all the same. Her eyes blurred with tears and the next thing she heard was the front door shut._

* * *

Brooke reached across and touched Haley's hand, "Hales, why didn't you tell me about this?"

"I didn't tell anyone about it. I knew he was lying but it didn't make it hurt less. He was my best friend and I couldn't hate him even if I tried." Haley explained, "I have been avoiding talking to Blake because I went on a date with Blake a week before Nathan showed up. If he figures out there was a slight overlap, he's gonna feel like a rebound. And part of me is scared that with Nathan back, I'm gonna feel everything that he's always made me feel. I don't want to hurt him"

"I'm sorry that you went through that alone. I swear I could just smack Nathan in his big, dumb head sometimes. You know that the longer you wait to talk to him about it, the worse it'll be. This will be our little secret. Just remember how happy you are now."

"It's not Nathan's fault. I have to lie in the bed I made. And I know that Blake's a good guy. I'm just scared."

"I'll be here for you no matter what you do Haley… Now what do you say we discuss me and Julian's wedding plans? Get your mind off of things" Brooke asked.

"Sounds like it's just what I need."

* * *

June 23, 2017

Haley had been running around all morning trying to get ready for Sawyer's birthday party and also trying to avoid a very inevitable conversation with Blake. After her reaction at Owen's apartment, which had Blake less than thrilled, he had been trying to drill her with why she was so upset that Lucas's brother was coming to town. She was avoiding him like the plague. Once they had this conversation, there would be no turning back and she had a feeling that it was going to get harder for them because of it. So here she was, in the shower for going on 40 minutes.

She had told Blake almost everything about her past relationship with Nathan except for the fact that it was with Nathan and the fact that their love was a once in a lifetime kind of thing. What boyfriend wants to hear that? She didn't want Blake to think less of the relationship that they had because it did mean so much to her.

Haley stepped out of the shower and threw on some comfy clothes and walked into the adjoining master bedroom. She jumped when she saw Blake sitting in the corner of her bed. "Jesus! You scared me!"

Blake didn't look amused. "Haley, we need to talk. You've been practically avoiding me for 3 days. I can't take this, it's getting out of hand."

Haley sighed, she knew that now was the time to tell him. Blake would see Nathan later at Sawyer's party and she didn't want him to feel isolated through lack of knowledge. "I know, I'm sorry. I've just been trying to collect my thoughts," She sat down next to him.

"I just can't be in the dark about this. You can tell me anything, I meant that – it's obvious that Nathan coming back is upsetting you." They moved to face each other.

Haley decided that ripping off the Band-Aid would be her best option, "We used to be in love. Nathan was my fiancé…" The look on Blake's face told Haley that maybe that wasn't the best idea she had. He immediately stood up and ran his hands through his short brown hair.

"You were engaged to Nathan Scott," Haley nodded and he continued, he seemed almost at a loss for words. "How could you not tell me this Haley? Why could you not tell me this? We share things with each other, we've spent the past two years dancing around your ex and never talking about it because he was Nathan Scott? Who by the way I idolized until this very moment." Haley could tell that he was trying his best to be calm.

"It wasn't that I didn't want to tell you so many times but it's hard for me…"

He cut her words off, "Why is it hard? Because you still love him? That's why you reacted that way isn't it? You always told me it was no one important. God, I can't compete with a guy like that Haley."

"Will you please relax? You don't have to compete with him. You have me, okay? I reacted that way because it was hard to imagine him being more in my life now, I haven't seen him in a long time."

"So you're just going to hang around him?" Blake couldn't believe he would be facing Haley's ex in 3 hours. He knew it was because of Nathan that he and Haley still lived in separate places and that she wouldn't even seriously commit to him. That thought was unsettling.

"He's my best friends brother. He's going to be a little hard to avoid from time to time. I don't hate him; we've been through a lot together. You know that, I confided in you about it." Haley was in streaming, silent tears at this point in the conversation. She knew it wasn't going to be an easy one.

That's when it hit Blake, he wasn't just his girlfriend's almost husband… He looked over at her and softened at her broken appearance. "So he's her dad, right?" He made eye contact with her and she nodded, only crying harder. Blake held in what he was feeling because he knew that Haley was hurting but the fact that Nathan Scott shared those things with her made his blood pressure rise.


	3. Chapter 3

This update is coming a lot sooner than expected - I'll post as often as I can but school can be a little demanding. Please keep reviewing! I love reading everything you all have to say and it really motivates me for writing of future chapters. Hope you enjoy this chapter. xoxo

* * *

June 23, 2017

Peyton had been barking orders to Nathan and Lucas all morning considering her pregnant stomach limited some of the things she could do. Keith, Karen and Lily flew in last night and they took Sawyer to the park today while the three of them helped set up for her party.

Nathan was setting out the rest of the food in the kitchen with Luke, "Man I am gonna need a serious drink before this party starts."

Lucas replied, "Tell me about it man. Sawyer hasn't even started school to have friends her age, it's only family and close friends coming. You would think that Brooke was planning this party at the rate Peyton's going."

"LUCAS, I heard that. Better be careful if you want let in our room tonight." Peyton hollered from the other room, Lucas cringed and went to go see if she needed any help. Maybe Peyton was a little moody, either way Nathan got a kick out of her hormone-driven antics.

Sawyer came sauntering into the kitchen finally back from her morning at the park. Her blonde curls imitated a high school Peyton and the Foo Fighters shirt she had on was really icing on the cake. There was no mistaking that she was their daughter. "Uncle Nate, will you play in the bounce house with me later?"

Nathan wouldn't say no to those green eyes even if he could. He scooped her up in his arms, "Of course I will, Sawyer bug. You're my favorite niece."

She squinted at him, her only Lucas characteristic, "I'm your only niece… Are you excited to see Aunt Haley?" That caught Nathan off guard. I guess they were right when they say that kids just say what's on their mind.

"I haven't seen Aunt Haley in a long time, so I'm kind of nervous." Nathan told her.

"Well don't be. I heard mama and daddy talking and they said that since you both still love each other it's 'only a matter of time'… whatever that means." Then she smiled and kissed his cheek.

"Well your mom and dad have big mouths and you might also have big ears, but I love you." Nathan kissed her forehead and put her down as she ran away completely oblivious to the effect their conversation had on him.

* * *

Most people were already at the party in full swing – Dan, Deb, Keith, Karen, Lily, Skills, Mouth, Millie, Brooke, Julian and Quinn. Everyone except Blake and Haley who were running behind.

Quinn, Brooke and Peyton were sitting outside watching Lily and Sawyer play with each other.

"Where is Hales? I haven't talked to her all morning." Quinn asked.

"Oh! She texted me and said that she and Blake were on their way. I'm pretty sure that she was breaking the 'return of the ex' news to him earlier today." Brooke answered.

"So he knows now?" Peyton felt bad that Haley had to have that conversation with Blake, as much as she would always support Nathan, she knew that Haley hasn't had the easiest time. Peyton had only invited Blake to Sawyer's party because Nathan originally wasn't going to make it – and then he moved back home. Lucas tried to remain neutral, but it was a hard situation to be in.

"Yeah," Brooke responded, "I just hope he doesn't make her feel bad about it. And I hope he and Nathan won't have some sort of pissing contest." Brooke couldn't help but want to see them try and one up each other. NBA player vs. kid cancer doctor would be a good fight. Obviously Brooke cared about Nathan too and she wasn't oblivious to the mistakes that Haley had made.

Peyton looked at Brooke, the only thing they differed on was Nathan and Haley "He's not going to Brooke. I already had this conversation with him. Besides, they will probably avoid each other for today."

Then they vaguely heard a knock on the door. Peyton immediately struggled to stand and answer the door when she saw Nathan reaching for the handle.

Nathan swung open the door open without thinking about who could potentially be standing behind it. For the first time in years, his blue eyes connected to her brown. They were the first thing he ever noticed about her when they were in high school. She always hated them, called them boring and said that she wanted any other color. Nathan always loved them – the way they lit up when she had a bright idea or when she laughed. The eyes he was gazing into now were not the same – they were dull and blurred. He knew it was because of him that her eyes wouldn't be the same and that her smile would never quite reach them anymore.

Haley felt a weird combination of comfort and hurt. Nathan had always done that – been able to calm her down – even when she knew that deep down she was still hurt by everything that had happened. But here she was standing with a man that made her so happy and she couldn't even open her mouth to speak. Blake cleared his throat to bring Haley back to Earth.

"Hi Hales. Come in. Sawyer will be excited that you're finally here" Nathan was stumbling over words to say to her. Why didn't he just let someone else get the door.

"Please, I can only imagine how she reacted when she saw you." Haley laughed. It was a little surprising to her that it was that easy to respond to Nathan. Then she remembered the man standing beside her and things became increasingly awkward, "Oh, Nathan this is Blake."

Blake stuck out his hand, "Nice to meet you."

"Nathan Scott. Nice to meet you too" Nathan replied while shaking his hand a little too firmly.

The air thickened, almost like they were sizing each other up. Blake was just as tall as Nathan but Nathan definitely had him on muscle mass. Then again, Blake was the one holding Haley's hand, so who was the real winner?

Peyton immediately came to Nathan's rescue, hugging both Haley and Blake, "I'm so glad you both are finally here. Sawyer keeps complaining that it's been too long since she's spent the day with you." Peyton looked at Nathan.

"Well we like having her around. She definitely keeps you on your toes." Haley replied.

Nathan took that as his opportunity to escape Haley and Blake. God did Nathan really need a drink. He hurried towards the coolers outside and to spend time with the guys. No one was going to ruin being back with his friends and family.

* * *

"Luke, can you believe this guy? He's got Haley in there referring to them as 'we'! She hates when couples do that." Lucas gave Nathan a funny look.

"Dude, no offense but they are a 'we'", Nathan glared at his brother, "Come on man. We both know that whatever they have isn't what you guys had. Besides he just found out that the 'ex' Haley has been so affected by was a professional basketball player. So cut him a little slack, he's just trying to mark his territory and make you mad."

Nathan was surprised that Haley hadn't told him. "Why didn't she tell him until now?"

"Because despite what Haley says, you'll always mean a lot to her and she didn't want to relive it. Personally, I think the only way she could move on was to not think about you at all. Just ask her, you two have to talk eventually," Lucas touched his back, "I've always got you back, little brother" and walked away. Nathan tried to shake off Lucas's words but he had a feeling that until he talked to Haley, he would be confused in his feelings.

* * *

Haley was sitting next to Dan while Blake was talking to Julian about his latest project. She had a clear view of Nathan in the bounce house with Sawyer. Their banter and laughter with one that made her smile. It was confusing to her. All these years she had put the past behind her but as soon as she heard Nathan was back a new bubble of hurt developed inside of her, it worsened when she saw him. She was still a little angry, I guess they never had the closure that they both desperately needed. Dan put his arm over Haley's shoulders.

"How you doing today, Haley… all things considered?" She and Dan had always had a good relationship, even after Nathan moved to Los Angeles.

"I'm surprisingly okay. I mean it was hard seeing Nathan, although I'm sure it was harder for him. I just find myself worrying about him. You should check on him." Nathan had seemed light-hearted for most of the party. She was grateful how he was acting normal but she knew it affected him.

"Haley, he's my son – I've already talked to him about it. I'll always be on his side. But now I'm here to check up on you because you were almost a daughter to me."

"I just want us to be on good terms – but I'm still so angry at him sometimes. I could never hate him but I'm disappointed in the person he became and how we ended." She sounded like a babbling idiot – not an uncommon thing for her – but she just couldn't find the right words.

Dan looked at her sincerely, "You should just talk to him. I think the two of you can at least move forward as friends. You know that he's not that person we all see on the cover of magazines; he just hasn't ever dealt with things in a proper way. You both have every right to be upset. I don't know if either of you will fully move on… but you both are gonna be okay, that I do know.

Haley smiled, "Thank you, Dan."

* * *

The party had slowed down considerably – the rest of the day had gone smoothly. Almost everyone had left the party by now. The sun had set and the group was gathered in the living room sending Sawyer to bed with her final birthday wishes.

"Thanks for the jersey, Uncle Nathan. I'm gonna wear it to your very first Knicks game. Daddy said he would take me. Oh! And I'm even gonna sleep in it tonight." Nathan laughed. He was surprised that Sawyer was so excited to get a basketball jersey with his name and number on it.

"Anything for my Sawyer-bug on her fourth birthday." He squeezed her tight, and kissed her temple.

"I'm really glad you're home Uncle Nathan," she whispered the next part, "I think Aunt Haley is happy too. She's been staring at you."

"I'm glad I'm home too. Now off to bed so we can play with that new tea party set tomorrow." Sawyer slightly squealed at his comment. Haley's heart ached because that was the Nathan she always knew. Her anger started to dissipate into sadness, her emotions had been all over the place today

With that Lucas and Peyton followed Sawyer up the stairs leaving Nathan, Haley, Blake, Brooke and Julian in the kitchen. To which Nathan quickly dismissed himself from that awkwardness and sat outside in the chairs that Lucas set by the fire.

"Hales," Brooke touched her arm, "I'm not trying to intrude but you should really just talk to him. I think it would do you both a lot of good… I forgot how much I missed having him here." Haley looked at her best friend and then looked to Blake. This was all so new to him and she didn't want to make him uncomfortable.

Blake's words were exactly what she needed to here- even though she wasn't sure that he totally meant any of them, "You should go talk to him, Haley. I'm not going anywhere." She kissed him, nodded and turned to Brooke.

"I'll call you later, Brooke." And she walked outside to face a man that was once her everything

* * *

She sat next to him and saw him quickly wipe the tears off his cheeks, which was enough to break her heart.

"What are you doing out here, Hales?" he barely choked out. He probably looked like a total girl, but it wasn't anything she hadn't seen before.

"I wanted to talk to you. See how you were holding up." When Haley imagined the first time she talked to Nathan she imagined yelling at him or him yelling at her. Looking at him now, she just wanted things to be okay between them. She could forget about her feelings if it meant that Nathan could move on and be happy too.

"How I'm holding up? I don't know. I can't figure out how to exist in this version of my life here. In L.A. it was easy, no weight in my heart. I come back here and it's like I can't breathe. It just seems so easy for you now, which makes it harder. I feel alone." Nathan was frustrated and wasn't expecting Haley to be worried about him. Although, it didn't really surprise him. She had almost always put him first.

Nathan's hurt eyes looked over to meet hers. She touched his hand and felt the same electricity that she always had. "Things have been far from easy for me Nathan. You're never gonna be alone in that. I get what you're going through… You know I still go see a therapist once a week," she could see Nathan's face instantly look concerned, "I don't really talk about it to avoid getting stereotyped as crazy. But it does help to talk to someone who's impartial to your situation."

He lightly smiled at her, "After the last time we saw each other, I figured you'd come out here guns blazing, not offering me advice. I just figured you probably hated me."

Haley laughed a little, "I could never hate you Nathan. Of course I'm still hurt about certain things but not once in the past 5 years have I ever hated you. It's not like you're the only one who made mistakes. I'm guilty of a lot of things." Nathan knew she was right; they both had made poor decisions.

"Can I be honest with you?" Nathan asked and Haley nodded. "I'm still kind of mad at you for pushing me away all those years ago. It hurts to see you again, especially with Blake… I can't figure out how to do this." Nathan shook his head, he had to put it out on the table. It wasn't hard opening up to Haley again.

Haley sighed, "Since you were honest, I will be too… it hurts to see you too, it hurts more than I could even express, especially after what happened last time. Its opens up wounds that I thought were closed and mostly because… you remind me of her."

Nathan squeezed her hand in comfort, "You remind me of her too."

* * *

 _May 16, 2011_

 _Haley had never felt such a horrific silence. The doctors rushed their baby out of the room so fast, she and Nathan couldn't even comprehend what was happening. All they heard was "not breathing" and "we need to work quickly". Now it was just the two of them and the silence._

 _"_ _I love you, Hales. You did so good baby. And our baby… she's gonna be fine." Nathan held her. He tried to put on a brave face, but he was just as scared as she was. This couldn't be happening… not to them. They were supposed to get their dream life together. This baby girl they created, she was part of it._

 _Haley couldn't even crack a smile. "She needs a name… I was thinking Natalie Roe Scott. Your initials. Roe for Karen… she's always been there for me." Haley just prayed those weren't words that were going to be on a gravestone. They held onto each other. This silence would be a silence they would never forget._

 _The doctor came slowly into the room of a couple that should have been crying tears of joy. The look on his face gave it all away – Nathan knew that they wouldn't be taking a little girl home today. "I'm really sorry." The doctor started and Haley almost scoffed._

 _"_ _Say it. I need you to say it." Haley barely choked out._

 _"_ _The umbilical cord got wrapped around her neck. We did everything we could, but your daughters gone. I'm sorry Nathan and Haley." The noise that came out of Haley's mouth was heard around the world._

 _"_ _Can we please see her?" Nathan barely choked out between tears._

 _"_ _Of course you can."_

 _Haley leaned even harder against Nathan as they lay together, "I'm sorry Nathan." Haley felt like it was her fault, it was her body after all that took one of the most important things from them._

 _"_ _Shhh. Don't Hales, this isn't your fault. There was no way that you could have prevented this. I love you so much. I'm right here" He rubbed his hand against her hair, a habit that had formed over the years they spent together. He wanted to be strong for Haley, but it was a part of him that was gone too. He just held her and cried. Haley was all he had left._

 _The nurse walked in with their baby girl, cleaned and wrapped up in a blanket. She looked peaceful. They both still smiled instantly when she was placed in their arms, holding her together seemed appropriate for this moment._

 _"_ _Hi baby girl. I'm your momma, this is your daddy. We are gonna love you forever Natalie Roe Scott." Haley kept whispering those words to her over and over, while she and Nathan spent their first and final moments with their daughter._

* * *

They both felt tears slowly rolling down their faces at that memory. Nathan wrapped his arm around her shoulders, they looked at each other and smiled. Not because they weren't sad for what they lost or angry at about the things they put each other through, but because they would always share her, and love her. They reveled in that together silently. It was as if in that moment they both realized that they didn't have to let it divide them.

"I'm just really sorry, Haley. For everything." He meant it.

"I'm sorry, too." And so did she.

"I don't want to tip-toe around you. I just need to know that we can be friends. As long as you're happy, I'm happy." Nathan was hopeful that this conversation put them in the right direction, even though he knew that it was far from over.

"Of course. You're always going to be one of my best friends Nathan." He wiped the last tear off her face and they hugged. Haley heard the door to outside open and they pulled apart. It was Blake.

"I'm sorry to interrupt. I got called into the hospital. One of my patients got really sick, I just wanted to let you know that I was headed in." Blake looked a little distraught at the thought and maybe at the conversation he had walked into.

"I'll drop you off. I need to be going anyways, early shift at the café tomorrow morning." She started to walk away, when Nathan stood up.

"Hales?" She turned around to look at him, "Thanks you." Nathan gave a soft half smile. Haley returned the smile and grabbed Blake's hand. There was a lot that they hadn't talked about. So much between them besides losing Natalie that caused them to end. But for now, this was okay.

"I'll be seeing you." Haley responded and then they were gone. He watched them walk away together, and even though he felt more at ease, the jealousy surged through his veins. Being her friend was going to be hard.


	4. Chapter 4

**Kind of a filler chapter and a little shorter than the others. Let me know what you guys think! The next chapter will have more things happen in it - Hopefully I can get it out as soon as possible. Thanks for all the reviews, you guys rock. xoxo**

* * *

July 8, 2017

Nathan threw his bag down the minute he stepped through the door and groaned, "Peyton what's for dinner tonight?"

Peyton sarcastically replied, "Oh hi, Peyton? How is your day, Peyton? Oh it was great Nathan but sure let me get right on making dinner when I'm literally 7 months pregnant."

Nathan laughed, "Sorry, Peyt. How was your day?"

"Oh it's actually going great. Lucas took Sawyer on a father-daughter date today, so I get to continue having a nice relaxing day to myself. How was your first official day back to basketball?" She asked.

"Don't get me wrong I love it, but it was exhausting. All I could think about was how much I wanted to be back on the beach." Nathan said as he flopped down onto the couch beside her.

They spent the few days over 4th of July at Dan and Deb's beach house in the Hampton's with their whole family. They've done it as a Scott family tradition every year before Nathan has to start practice for the upcoming NBA season. However, this year Nathan didn't just fly in and fly out of the Hampton's. Although, Nathan was happy to be getting back into some sort of routine.

"Yeah me too. But to answer your question about dinner – which isn't for another 4 hours by the way, I'm not sure why you're asking – I was going to order pizza. We have to be at TRIC at 7:30."

"I almost forgot that your new artist was making her debut tonight."

"And I'm assuming you also forgot that you need to pick up Clay in…" Peyton checked her watch, "…40 minutes."

Nathan looked at her with wide eyes and shot out of his seat, "I would lose my head if you weren't here to keep it on straight." And he ran out the door. Peyton followed shortly after to go visit Brooke and Haley.

* * *

"Knock, knock!" Peyton shouted as she arrived at Brooke and Julian's apartment.

"Oh Peyton we're in here!" She heard Brooke yell from the kitchen.

Peyton walked in the kitchen to see Haley and Brooke making brownies, "Oh please tell me you aren't making Taylor's special recipe while I'm pregnant and can't have any." The three of them weren't stoners by any means but they did enjoy those brownies every once in a while – they made for a lot of great stories over the years.

"Very funny, but no. These can be enjoyed by a very pregnant Peyton." Haley responded.

"Nice. We have been craving chocolate a lot lately." Peyton said while scooping her finger into the batter.

Brooke chimed in, "So Peyton, I hear that Nathan's hot agent Clay will be at TRIC tonight."

"Brooke you do have a fiancé… named Julian… ring a bell?" Peyton responded

Brooke laughed and rolled her, "I didn't mean for me Peyton, I was thinking that he and Quinn could really hit it off. What do you think Hales?"

"I don't know Brooke. Ever since Quinn and David got divorced she kind of flows with the wind… but who knows, Clay is very cute." Haley told her as her thoughts drifted off.

"Okay, you two," Peyton scolded, "Enough day dreaming about the cute agent. I am off of mom duty today and I need to hear some real adult conversations." She had been going stir crazy, between spending most of her time with Sawyer at Red bedroom or nesting for the new baby.

Brooke glanced at Haley, "Well tutor girl, you are the only one that has something interesting going on in your life. So start talking."

"My life isn't that interesting guys." Haley told them.

Peyton raised her eyebrows and questioned sarcastically, "Wait so you don't have a boyfriend and ex-fiancé in the same part of New York City, who also happened to meet each other 2 weeks ago?" She and Brooke both laughed.

"Fine. At first, Blake was dealing as well with it as could be expected. I mean we still haven't had a serious conversation about it since Sawyer's party but things seemed to be going fine. Until the other day he was staring at my tattoo, like really staring, and it clicked that it was Nathan's jersey number and now he will barely look at me, let alone touch me. I'm just not seeing how he can get past it."

"I forgot about the tattoo for a second. Yeah it would not be fun to have to know that was to turn some other guy on." Peyton said.

Haley laughed. Peyton and Brooke knew that Haley didn't get her tattoo for a bad reason but they still liked to tease her about it. "Stop it! I did not get it for that reason."

Brooke shrugged, "I mean it worked either way." Haley immediately blushed. That was true.

Peyton turned the conversation serious, "Honestly Haley, I don't think Blake is upset about the tattoo. I think he's more upset about the meaning behind it. You permanently marked your body for another guy. And he may not know it, but you and Nathan will always have a connection to each other."

"Yeah, Hales. Look, we just all want you to be happy. If it's with Blake, then we'll be here and if it's with Nathan then we'll still be here. And the same thing goes for Nathan too. You owe it to yourself to figure it out." Brooke added.

Haley hugged both of them, "I love you guys. I'm really sorry for putting you in this position." And she meant it. Over the years they had all talked to both Nathan and Haley despite their avoidance of each other then. She knew that they loved them both, but she wasn't oblivious to the fact that it definitely put a strain on a lot of people's relationship. That's why her and Nathan's friendship had to work, and also because it was nice to be back on his life on good terms.

* * *

"Wow. The one and only Nathan Scott picking me up. It is such an honor." Clay said as he strolled up to Nathan. After Nathan's trade, Clay decided recently that he would also move to New York. He claimed that Nathan was his first and biggest client and he needed to be where he was, but Nathan knew it was because Clay couldn't survive without him.

Nathan was drafted into the NBA right out of college, he didn't meet and sign with an agent until his rookie season was nearly over. Although at the time Clay was very new at his job, Nathan immediately recognized that they were in the same shoes… new comers just looking for shot. He was ultimately convinced by Haley who was swayed by Clay's boyish charm, and Nathan always took Haley's advice seriously.

Nathan laughed, "How was your flight, Clay?"

"You know it would've been better if a flight attendant helped me join the mile-high club, but people are way too sensitive about that these days." Clay stated with a smirk.

Nathan rolled his eyes at Clay's antics, "Whatever, man – you couldn't pick up a woman on your own if you tired. Get your bags and let's go - we're going to Peyton's club tonight."

"Oh nice. I can't wait to hang out with your friends. I bet they have a lot of embarrassing stories about you in high school that I deserve to hear as your best friend." Clay said and immediately headed to Nathan's car. Nathan shook his head. It had been a long two weeks without him… something that Nathan would never admit to Clay's face.

* * *

Clay and Nathan were sitting at a corner booth in TRIC. People were just starting to arrive for the evening and Peyton was busy making sure that Mia was ready to go for her performance. Lucas came and sat down with a round of beers.

"Peyton is working and running around way too much for being pregnant. She needs to hire a manager to work her for until she has the baby and gets more settled in." Lucas said.

Clay responded, "Still as consumed by your wife as ever, Lucas."

"You're just jealous that you couldn't get a woman in this bar without Nathan if you tired, let alone someone to marry you." Lucas said and Nathan chuckled.

"You know, that's the second time I've heard that today. I'm a little offended to feel like an outsider of the Scott brothers." Clay feigned annoyance. His comment was brushed off by both Lucas and Nathan.

"What time are the girls showing up? I hear that Brooke invited Quinn." Nathan asked, but his question was answered as all three girls approached the table.

"Hey boys. Miss us?" Brooke asked with a smile on your face. They all moved to squeeze into around the table, it was the one they always sat in on nights like this. Nathan was too busy admiring Haley to even hear Brooke. She was wearing a plain white V-neck that she tucked into high-waist skinny jeans. Simple but Nathan could barely keep his eyes off the way that she looked. Lucas interrupted his thoughts.

"Hales, I'm so glad that you're here. Before you sit down can you please go see if Peyton needs any help so she can come sit down and enjoy the evening?" Lucas pleaded with her.

"Of course. But you know that she never wants very much help with these kinds of things."

"Bring a round of drinks on your way back from rejection!" Quinn hollered after her and Haley waved her hand indicating that she would.

It wasn't but 15 minutes before Haley came back, drinks in tow.

"I told you she wouldn't want any help with this one Lucas." Haley said as she sat down next to him and greeted everyone at the table.

They all fell into easy conversation when Peyton finally showed up to join them.

"Clay! I'm so glad you made it. You know since Nathan almost forgot to pick you up from the airport." Peyton said.

Clay gave Nathan an offending look, "Nathan Scott, I thought we were best friends and you forgot that I was coming?"

"Thanks, Peyton." Nathan retorted and she smiled at him.

"So is Mia excited about performing?" Brooke asked.

"I had to basically drag her out of her dressing room because she is so nervous but she is definitely excited." Peyton said with a smile, "You know one day I'm going get Haley James to perform as an artist instead of an occasional fill in performer."

Clay looked at Haley surprised, "Haley, you can sing?"

"I can kind of sing. I have already told Peyton a thousand times that I just like playing to play, it's not a life style that I want to have." Haley said. Peyton had tried for years to sign Haley, but she really was just happy with how her life was.

"Well if you sing half as good as your sister looks, I'm gonna have to come listen to you sometime." Clay whispered to Haley. To which she chuckled out loud.

"Still as charming as ever, Clay Evans."

Conversation carried on to their days in high school and college together much to the happiness of Clay. He got to finally hear about how Nathan tricked Haley into tutoring him, how Haley officiated Lucas and Peyton's wedding the summer after their freshman year of college and how Brooke and Nathan were both very "friendly" before they all formed as a group.

"…Oh my gosh, I will never forget about the time we all drove down to Honey Grove to save Mouth after being abandoned by that random girl. And we dressed in thrift store clothes to crash that prom." They were all laughing. It was good to relive all their old memories. It was just like things used to be before life happened to all of them.

Just as that conversation ended, Mia Catalano walked onto the stage in front of a lot of cheering people for it being her debut performance.

Brooke squealed with excitement, "Come on guys let's go dance!"

"No thanks!" Nathan and Haley said that at the same time and it made Haley bite her lip.

"You two have never been very much fun." Quinn poked her tongue out and they all went to enjoy the music and let the liquor they had consumed overtake their dancing. Nathan and Haley sat alone in that booth, but no awkwardness was flowing between them.

* * *

The waitress brought Nathan and Haley another round of drinks just as the others went to start dancing.

"You haven't changed at all. Still drinking Jack and Coke." He joked as he raised his beer to his lips.

"Actually it's diet now. You don't know me as well as you think you do Nathan Scott." Haley joked back. Nathan looked at her with soft eyes. He wanted to tell her that he knew her favorite book, how exactly she liked her coffee and how she has make her bed before she can sleep in it. But he didn't say any of that.

"So Nathan, how was living in Los Angeles? Tell me everything." Haley rested her chin on her hand and stared at him.

His blue eyes looked at her, "Well different than New York that's for sure. I lived in this apartment that was right on the beach, woke up and ran on the sand every morning. There was this local café that reminded me of Karen's that I usually had breakfast at. But other than those few fleeting quiet moments, most of LA was noisy and full of basketball, sponsors and making appearances. Playing for the Lakers was a dream come true…"

"… on average 20.9 points and 4.1 rebounds a game." Haley said. Nathan looked at her with wide eyes, he never imagined that Haley would still be watching him. "What you think that I didn't keep up with the game once you moved?"

"Just surprising that's all. Considering you used to call free throws – "free shots." He laughed out loud as Haley lightly shoved him.

"Shut up. I don't think I'm ever going to live that down… It was probably nice having Clay out there." Haley said – Nathan unknowing that Clay moved out there at the request of Haley.

"Yeah, he really became like family to me. Helped me through a lot of things and most importantly he keeps me doing what I love… Just don't tell him I said that, it'll only increase his ego."

"Coming from you… Brooke literally calls you hot shot."

Nathan rolled his eyes, "Yeah she needs to lay off the nick names," they smiled at each other. "So what about you? Fill me in."

Haley took a deep breath, "Well my life is pretty ordinary. I work at a café that reminds me a lot of Karen's café, ironic that we both found our way back to a place like that. I still sing, write sometimes but I only play occasionally live. Quinn and David got divorced and she lived with me for a little while but has a place of her own now. I'm actually thinking about going back to school to get my Master's and then maybe try to teach at a local university… but I haven't told anyone that."

"You'd be great at that, Hales." Nathan told her genuinely.

"You think? Because I'm nervous to try something like that. What if I'm bad at it." Haley was expressing all her concerns to Nathan.

"Well take it from someone you used to tutor, you would make a great teacher."

"Thanks, Nathan." She smiled at him warmly.

Shortly after, everyone came back to the table with a new guest in tow. Blake walked up to the table and sat next to Haley, "Well this is cozy." She could smell beer on his breath and guessed that he must've been watching her for a while.


	5. Chapter 5

Thank you for all the reviews - especially to missmelsie, your review really made me feel better about what I'm doing so far with this story. Obviously all reviews mean a lot and help me find motivation. That being said, I hope you enjoy this chapter - and keep in mind that every thing will happen when it is supposed to. xoxo.

July 24, 2017

Nathan had been consumed by basketball for the last two weeks. He hadn't seen Haley since they had that conversation at the bar. It was their first real conversation as friends and it was a lot easier than he was thinking it would be. After Blake showed up, Nathan was initially upset but he could strangely understand the jealousy that Blake felt. Anyone that dated Haley and wasn't a little jealous was either delusional or blind – the thing was that Blake didn't even know the half of it. Nathan had always had a hard time controlling his green monster when he and Haley were together.

Nathan straightened out his shirt and threw on his jacket before walking downstairs. He was having dinner with his mom at her favorite restaurant in Brooklyn. When he moved to L.A. he didn't get to see his family very often throughout the year. They hadn't spent a lot of time together since he started getting ready for the upcoming season. He was excited – he missed the luxury of having her so close. He grabbed his keys out of the kitchen and said goodbye to Lucas, Peyton and Sawyer who were watching a movie together. He took his car to go pick up his mom.

He knocked on his parent's door at about 8 o'clock and his mom was immediately at the door and ready to go. Dan joked about how dinner with Nathan was all she could talk about since they made the plans yesterday afternoon. Nathan smiled. He had come a long way with his family since when he was a teenager. He nearly emancipated himself because he couldn't take either of them – then Dan had a heart attack and Deb dealt with her drug problems in rehab. It took a long time after that to rebuild relationships but they all finally became a family. They got to the restaurant and sat at the same table that Deb always did when she came here. Nathan ordered a scotch, while his mom stuck to water – she hadn't had a drink since she got out of rehab.

"So how's my baby boy doing? Team's not making it too rough on you are they?" Deb asked.

"Not really. It's definitely weird coming in as the new point guard and trying to take leadership of a team with teammates and plays that you don't know. I've been putting in a lot of extra hours to try and earn some respect." Nathan replied.

"Now that is the Nathan Scott that I've always known. You definitely never half ass anything." His mom laughed. From the day Nathan was born he had put his whole heart into everything he loved. While he tried to come across like he followed his brain, she knew that Nathan was lead very easily by his heart.

"You never really did tell me why the Lakers traded you, honey. I thought you really liked it out there and it seems to be some big secret in the world of sports – Clay said you weren't going to release an official statement."

"Well that's because it's kind of between Clay and I. I told Clay about 6 months ago that I needed to get out of Los Angeles – I just knew it wasn't where I was supposed to be. He asked me that if I could be anywhere, where would it be. Without even thinking, I said New York. Which was kind of surprising to me. I was still frustrated that it happened because I was finally going to have to face everything." Nathan hadn't told anyone that. He remembers being told by his coach that he was being traded to the Knicks – at his request – but he still slammed his fists in his steering wheel in frustration. It didn't make a lot of sense… why deep down he wanted to come back to New York, but it was just something he had to do.

"I am so glad you came back Nathan but please tell me you didn't come back because of Haley…"

"I came back for me mom. I left so abruptly after Natalie and I wanted to be with my family. I was done with not being here because of Haley. This whole thing is for me." Nathan said. He hoped it wasn't obvious he was lying. While the reasons he stated for coming back were true, of course a part of him came back to make things better between he and Haley. He hated that though – the fact that he would always pine to be with a girl that broke his heart and was with someone else.

"Thank god. Haley has been selfish and has completely disregarded your feelings since you've been home – and if you came home for her I don't think it would end well for you. I just want you to be happy."

"Mom, I'm still always going to love her, that doesn't just go away – you know that. She did what she felt like she needed to do, okay?"

"Okay, honey."

"Now you told me that you had something you wanted to talk to me about so talk. You always try to make the conversation only about me," Nathan said.

Nathan raised his eyes to meet his mothers and she looked pale, far away. Her drink dropped out of her hand. "Mom?" Nathan said, concern evident in his voice. And in a flash before his eyes, his mother was on the floor. Everything after that was in slow motion. Rushing to her side, calling 911 and climbing into an ambulance beside her while the paramedics did everything that they were supposed to do. What was happening…

* * *

Nathan sat in the waiting room – jiggling his leg and biting his nails. He had no idea what was going on. His dad had met him at the hospital and completely avoided every question Nathan had as he went to be with the doctors and his wife. He told Nathan to wait and he would come talk to him as soon as he knew what was going on. What if that was the last conversation he got to have with his mom? That's when he saw Lucas rushing through the doors of the waiting room.

"Nathan, what happened? I came as soon as I got your message. Is Deb okay?" Lucas asked nearly out of breath.

"I don't know man. One minute we're talking over dinner and the next thing I know she's having a seizure. My dad hasn't told me anything. I'm really scared, Luke. What if I never get to see her again?"

"She's going to be fine. Dad will come talk to you when he has all the information. Just do your best to relax."

"I mean New York wouldn't be the same city if it wasn't trying to rip another woman from my life, right?" Nathan said bitterly. First Natalie, then Haley and now his mom. He was regretting ever thinking that coming back would be good for him. And then the two of them sat in silence for what felt like hours. It was then that his Dad came slowly into the room and pulled a chair to sit directly in front of Nathan.

"What's going on? How's mom?' Nathan asked, almost frantically.

"This is hard to tell you, Nathan, and I'm sorry we didn't say anything sooner… In January, your mother started having really bad headaches – she said they weren't like anything she had ever experienced before. After she got one that wouldn't go away we decided to go to the doctor and have her checked out. They gave her an MRI and it showed that she had a malignant Grade 1 brain tumor. It was going to be easy to remove the tumor in a minimally invasive surgery because the cells were very slow growing. She decided that she would have it removed and not tell you because you were in the middle of your season, she didn't want you to worry and she was going to be fine…" Dan was explaining.

Nathan cut him off, "I just watched mom have a seizure in a restaurant. She's clearly not fine."

Dan continued, "I know…So about a month ago was her appointment to check her status, it happens about every two months. At some point between the end of April and the end of June, a new tumor came back," Dan's voice cracked as he tried to keep it together, he took a deep breath, "Except this time it was a Grade 4 tumor – which means that it is very difficult to treat and that in her case she has maybe 1 and a half years with treatment, 6 months without."

"So she's getting treatment right? She has to try and fight this."

"I'm going to let your mom talk to you about that Nathan – it hasn't been easy for her. I can't believe this is happening either and I'm sorry that we didn't tell you. After this seizure, they are gonna keep her sedated for a day or two, to give her body some time to recover from it." Dan said as they both stood up.

They walked silently to her room. Nathan was having a hard time understanding why she didn't tell him. They knew about this tumor when they went to the beach house over 4th of July and they didn't tell him then. And if they would have told him in January then maybe he would have been a little more prepared for this. Maybe he could've done something to help her. As soon as he stepped into his mom's room and sat next to her bed he broke down. He rested his hand on hers and held tightly to it. He felt guilty he spent the past five years seeing her on important holidays only. He regretted that and he needed more time to make that up to her.

* * *

July 25, 2017

24 hours. That's how long Nathan has been sitting in this chair in her hospital room. Neither Dan or Nathan could leave. Not to eat, not to sleep. He was sick to his stomach about how it was all going to turn out when his mom woke up. He was so consumed by his thoughts that he hadn't even noticed Peyton sit next to him until she spoke up.

"Nathan go home – it's 9 o'clock at night. Eat something. Get some rest. You're not doing yourself or your mom any good sitting here and not taking care of yourself." Peyton said as she handed him a bottle of water.

"I need to be here when she wakes up Peyton."

"Okay so I'll stay here. And I'll call you as soon as she wakes up." Peyton told him.

"You're almost 8 months pregnant Peyton. Luke would kill me if I let you sit in a chair all night long."

"Well I won't be. They have cots and I have an appointment in the morning so it's really gonna save me some time. If you don't leave this hospital in the next 10 minutes, then I'm sitting awake in this chair as long as you sit awake in that one. And that would make Lucas want to kill you." Peyton said sternly.

Nathan looked at Peyton, she always knew how to get her way. But Nathan was still unconvinced and worried. Peyton must have noticed his expression and read his mind.

Peyton softened her tone, "Nathan do you remember when my mom got in her accident and died?" Nathan nodded his head. "You were the first one at my house when everyone found out. We were 9 years old and you brought me candy, told me you were sorry and then spent the day watching movies with me. You made things better for me by just letting me know that you were there. You helped me through a bad time in my life and were there at every waking moment for me. Without you and Brooke I don't think that I would have made it. I get what you're going through. So let me help you, let me be here for you. Go home. Get some sleep and come back. It's going to make your mom feel so much better knowing that you're okay. Trust me, I'm a mom too."

Nathan cracked a smile for the first time since last night, "Thanks Peyton. Promise me that…"

"As soon as I know anything, I'll call. Go. I've got this." She said as he walked out the room rubbing his tired eyes.

* * *

Haley was tidying up her house, getting ready to start making dinner while Quinn sat at the counter chatting Haley's ear off about the photography project that she was working on. It had been over 2 weeks since Blake showed up at TRIC and prepared to cause a big scene. After he showed up at the bar, Haley immediately apologized and excused herself. She dropped Blake off at his apartment. She was too upset then to even address the situation. Blake had shown up the next afternoon at Haley's home to apologize, but she would never let him off the hook that easily. Blake had told her that he knew his actions were wrong but that it was hard for him to handle the situation when he knew that he wasn't being told everything. Haley was desperate to get back to a sense of normal. She didn't know if she had faith that they would get back to where they were before Nathan showed up or if she was in denial about what was happening – but she needed to figure it out. Normality, wouldn't be established right away because that same night Blake was flying to Minnesota for a 2-week consult on a case at the MAYO clinic. So here she was, making dinner and trying to figure out how their "real and open" conversation was going to go.

"What time does Blake get back from Minnesota?" Quinn asked Haley.

"His plane lands at 6 so I assume that he'll get here for dinner around 7:30." Haley replied. She was starting to feel nervous. Tonight's conversation was either going to make or break them. Blake made it clear that he needed to know everything. And either way, Haley was going to make it clear that her friendship with Nathan wasn't going away.

"Do you really want to work on things with Blake, Haley? Is it even worth it?" Quinn questioned her.

"Are you seriously asking me this? You're the one that introduced us. Remember? You said 'Oh Hales. He'd be perfect for you. Give him a chance.' So I did and I don't understand why I wouldn't try and fix it when he hasn't really given me a reason not to. All he's done is try to deal with my baggage." Haley responded, trying to keep her blood pressure down.

"Yes, I remember, but you were drowning over Nathan – I just wanted you to be happy. I do think that he's been good to you, I'm not denying that. But you and Nathan were meant to be together."

Haley slammed her hands on the counter, "You think I don't know that? I know that we were meant to be together. I believe that we were right for each other and meant to be together once upon a time. But the world is cruel and life is cruel and we aren't together. This is my reality now, Quinn. I was very happy and unconfused with Blake and I just want to get back to that place so that Nathan can be happy too. So can we please not act like what happened between Nathan and I can be fixed?" Haley said maybe a little too harshly.

"You're the one that broke it. If you really wanted to fix it, you could. I'm sorry for bringing it up, but someone has to be the devil's advocate. You and Nathan are dancing around each other like you can be friends and everything fine when we all know you can't and that it's not." And with that, Quinn left a shocked Haley standing alone in her kitchen.

* * *

Haley filled two glasses of wine before sitting comfortably on the couch after dinner with Blake. Dinner had been filled with talking about Blake's two weeks away for work and how Haley was still waiting to hear back from several Master's programs in New York. It had been comfortable, easy. Like it had been before – and that made what Quinn pointed out more confusing.

"Haley, I just want to apologize again for the way I acted. Seeing you so comfortable with him and knowing some of the things you shared just drove me mad. I should've talked to you about my feelings sooner instead of bottling them up like everything was okay." Blake said.

Haley swirled her glass, "It's a situation that I shouldn't have put either of you in. So I'm sorry for that."

"I just need you to tell me about him. About you together. So that we can move past it. Just be honest with me, Haley."

"Okay… Nathan was everything to me for a long time. We met in high school and it was unlike anything I thought I could ever feel for someone, especially Luke's estranged half-brother. But it strangely worked. He sacrificed a lot of things so we could be together, like Duke. He put his life on hold when I was struggling with depression after my parent's died. We got engaged when we were almost 22, he got drafted to the NBA and I got pregnant. We were so young but that didn't even matter. And then things fell apart after Natalie died. I couldn't get past it for selfish reasons. So he moved to L.A. And now here I am." Haley explained.

"And where is that exactly?" Blake asked.

"I'm here with you and I'm good, content. But that doesn't mean that I don't want to be his friend." Haley told him.

"How am I supposed to be okay with you being friends with someone that you were so clearly in love with? Where does that leave us?"

Haley touched his hand, "Nathan and I have been through a lot together, so I won't ever deny that he's always going to be important. You just have to trust me. If I didn't want to be here with you, I wouldn't be."

Blake moved to speak but their conversation was cut short by a soft knock at the door. They looked at each other confused. Haley sat down her glass on the table as she went to answer the door. She opened it and had a big sense of déjà vu, "Nathan…" He looked disheveled, much like the last time he showed up at her door, almost like he hadn't slept in days.

"Hi, Hales. Can I come in?" Nathan asked and Haley stepped aside. His eyes swept over the main floor and rested on Blake who was now standing by the couch. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt. I can just go…"

"No! Nathan it's fine. You're more than welcome here. What's going on? Are you okay?" Haley asked concerned.

"Not really, no. Can I talk to you outside?" Nathan nodded towards the back glass doors as his voice cracked.

"Yeah, sure." Nathan began walking to the door and Haley gave a small smile to Blake as she went to follow Nathan. She stepped out onto the patio behind him and closed the door.

Nathan was looking down at his feet when he spoke, "It's my mom…"

Haley could feel the panic rise in her chest, "What do you mean? What happened?" She asked as she took a step closer to him.

Nathan hesitated as his emotions started to hit him full force, "She, ummm, she has cancer. Brain cancer stage 4. It's really bad, Hales, it's really bad."

In an instant Haley was hugging him and Nathan squeezed her back tightly, "Nathan I'm so sorry". She started crying to. She loved Deb, and she knew what it was like to lose a mom. Nathan of all people didn't deserve this. Nathan's cries racked his body and he let the sense of calm that Haley gave him take over his body.

Intense emotions slowly came to an end as Nathan reluctantly let her go, "I'm sorry for coming here. Peyton came and kicked me out of the hospital, she said I needed to take care of myself and without even thinking I ended up here."

"This is technically still your home Nathan. I meant what I said when I told that I was here for you. Peyton was right."

"Thanks for listening. I should probably go get some rest now before Peyton kills me."

"You can stay here. I have some old clothes stored somewhere. Go take a hot shower. I'll put new sheets on a bed and make you some tea… unless that's not something you do anymore." Haley said almost embarrassed by revealing that she remembered stuff like that.

"I do still have tea before bed. Thank you, you don't have to do this."

"What are friends for?"

'Friends… right.' Nathan thought as he followed Haley quietly back inside. Haley walked to talk to Blake and he immediately went upstairs, already more comfortable in his old house.

"So he's staying here?" Blake asked incredulously.

"Yeah. He's had a rough night. I just need to be there for him. His mom is really sick – unfortunately I know what it's like to lose your parents. Just trust me okay."

Blake took a deep breath, "You're right. I trust you, nothing to worry about."

"Right. So I'll see you tomorrow then. Goodnight." She said as he kissed her cheek and left her.

* * *

Haley lightly knocked on Nathan's door before coming in with a cup of tea – Nathan clearly hadn't heard her come in. He was sitting on the edge of the bed scrolling through his phone – most likely bothering Peyton or Dan for updates on his mom. She stood there and took him in for a second. Ageing definitely did him well. His eyes looked up and met hers.

"Hey, here's your tea. It might still be hot." Haley told him as she set it on the night stand. She wanted to give him his space so she started to exit the room when Nathan stopped her.

"You keep the flowers."

Haley immediately turned around and her cheeks tinted pink at his acknowledgement. She didn't think he would notice. Every year on the day of Natalie's death Nathan would send her flowers with a card that said – _thinking of you today and every day._ They were always unsigned, but Haley knew they were from him. She wouldn't throw them out until the next year when she got new ones. She had taken down Natalie's room as a part of her therapy and the flowers were a constant, positive reminder of what she once had.

"I do. It wasn't surprising that you did that – always thinking of me before yourself." Haley admitted.

Nathan smiled softly at her, "Yeah… Thanks for the tea." He knew that it was an abrupt end to the conversation, but he was hesitant to start bringing up their relationship. Being open about their daughter and what was currently going on I his life was one thing for him. Opening up about their personal feelings and why he did the things he did wasn't something he was ready to confront.

"I'll see you in the morning." Haley said as she left the room.


	6. Chapter 6

**Sincerest apologies that the update has taken so long. Not sure how this chapter turned out, it's been a late night finishing it. This chapter has a pretty rocky ending, but it is all going to add up in the end. Enjoy xoxo.**

* * *

July 26, 2017

The next day, the sun peeked through the blinds on Haley's window dragging her out of a deep sleep. She rolled out of bed and threw on leggings to go with her t-shirt – she was hardly functional until she had a little bit of coffee in her system. She quietly padded through the house not wanting to wake Nathan after the long night he had, and much to her surprise he was already sitting in the kitchen reading the morning paper. Haley plopped herself on the bar stool as Nathan slid a cup of coffee towards her.

"Here. Drink this." Nathan said, not even looking up. Haley quietly sipped her coffee and felt herself awaken. She really couldn't believe that she was having coffee in the kitchen with Nathan. She suddenly was overcome with sadness as she recalled exactly what brought Nathan over.

"Thank you… for the coffee. I'm a monster in the mornings."

"Always have been," he laughed, "Having it ready was my way of saying thanks for letting me crash here last night."

"Anytime…" Haley told him. Ever since he moved back, she had felt bad that she was still living here. He did after all buy the brownstone and it wasn't fair to him to be staying with Lucas, "…Actually, I've been meaning to talk to you about that. I think you should have the house back. You bought it and Quinn has a ton of space in her loft over in Manhattan and she said she wouldn't mind if I moved in..."

Nathan looked at her and choked back a laugh, "Over my dead body am I letting you move out for me. Just because I bought it does not mean that it's mine. But if you don't mind, it is a lot closer to the hospital than Lucas's so if I could stay now as long as my mom is there…"

Haley smiled and looked down at her cup, "Of course."

They continued to sit in silence when Nathan handed over Haley the cross word puzzle and continued reading the sports section of the paper. It had become a habit to Nathan over the years that they were together. Any free morning they had, they spent like this – quietly reading or doing a cross word puzzle while sipping on coffee. It was unnerving to both of them how in sync they still found themselves

* * *

August 14, 2017

And so Nathan had been staying at Haley's for the past two weeks. His mom had woken up that same morning that Haley had agreed to him staying there and he immediately rushed to her side. He cried tears of joy when Deb agreed to go through treatment – even though that wasn't what she initially wanted. He was grateful for any time he would have with his mother. Deb had been kept at the hospital to ensure that her body was fully recovered from her seizure and that they were well prepped for her upcoming treatment plan – she would be getting released any day now. Which meant that Nathan would need to leave Haley's then too.

Nathan could physically feel the walls around his heart crumble down the more time he spent with her. They spent several nights going through old photos of Natalie and reminiscing on their younger days or just filling each other in on their lives. It was almost like nothing had changed – but then she would call Blake before bed on nights that they weren't together and Nathan was quickly reminded that everything had indeed changed.

He stepped out of a cab (and his thoughts) as he walked up to Clay's apartment. He had a long day of practice but Clay insisted that Nathan needed to come over to finalize his endorsements. Clay opened the door and the cracking open of two cold beers had them both instantly relaxing.

"How's your mom been, man?" Clay asked.

"Given the circumstances, she's good. Should be getting out within the next couple of days and continuing with treatment." Nathan had taken a short amount of time away from practice to make sure his mom was okay and it seriously kicked his ass coming back.

"Ah, so that means back to Lucas and Peyton's house and not spending nearly every day with Haley James?"

Nathan looked at Clay annoyingly – Clay had been insisting that Nathan asked to stay with Haley because he was subconsciously trying to get close to her again.

"Don't give me that look. You still want to be with her and you know that I'm right." Clay stated smugly while handing Nathan all the papers that he needed to sign.

"Clay…" Nathan tested. He was a little drunk when he confided in Clay that he missed Haley. That he would always love her.

"Just saying. I saw it at dinner the other night. It's like you guys have this invisible string that will always connect you. I don't understand why you don't just tell her you miss her – I think she would feel the same."

"It's not that simple. She ripped my heart out when I needed her to be there for me. Being around her is like walking a little too close to fire – she's captivating as hell but I cannot burn myself again."

Clay threw his hands up in surrender, "Alright, alright. I'm done running my mouth. Let's just sign the papers and go grab some dinner… on another note, do you think Quinn is gonna be at Brooke's charity event this Friday?"

Nathan laughed and shook his head at the friend. Only Clay could instantly turn a conversation like that into how hot he thinks Quinn is. "I'm sure she will be. Although if she has any sense at all, you don't stand a good chance."

* * *

August 18, 2017

Haley smoothed out the front of her black dress and did a last minute look in the mirror. Brooke had designed this dress and Haley loved it. Long-sleeve with an open back – modest enough for Haley yet a little bit of skin for Brooke. It had a toned-down tulle bottom that hit at the smallest part of her waist flowed effortlessly to the floor. She turned to face her two friends.

"Damn, tutor girl. I make a good dress when I want to. You look awesome!" Brooke exclaimed as she made Haley spin around. Brooke of course looked just as stunning in her off-shoulder red-dress.

"Yeah, too bad I can't even wear mine. I'm so sorry that I can't come support you tonight Brooke…" Peyton pouted. She was quickly approaching her due date and the doctor recommended that she stay in bed as often as she could.

Brooke reached out to touch Peyton's stomach, "You are cooking up a future entrepreneur, rock star AND writer in there. Trust me, your job here is way more important than my charity event – we need another strong girl here to help us keep the men in check."

Peyton smiled, "Hormones, Brooke. You know I can't stop crying."

"We love you. Brooke and I have to get going. We'll keep an eye on Lucas. You know that he can get all sorts of crazy without you." Haley poked her tongue at Peyton. In reality, they all knew that Lucas would be tapping his fingers hoping that Peyton and Sawyer were okay at home without him.

* * *

Haley and Brooke entered the event and it was already in full swing – people mingling and looking at the silent auction baskets. Brooke started this charity event to raise money to provide art and theatre programs at schools that had limited funding – it was something she strongly believed that young children lacked and needed to have. Haley made her way to her group of friends while Brooke made her way to the stage to welcome every one and kick off the evening.

Nathan was standing among Lucas, Clay, Julian and Quinn when Haley approached them. He felt his breath catch in his throat at the sight of her. And he could see the smirk forming on Clay's face when he noticed.

Tapping on the microphone had everyone turning towards the stage where Brooke was standing.

"Good evening everyone and welcome to the 4th annual Clothes Over Bro's Charity Gala. As you all know, the money raised this evening goes towards the funding of art and theatre in schools. Giving children the chance to pursue all of their passions in life at a younger age, much like I got the chance to explore mine and eventually turn it into a career. Thank you all for coming and sharing in this cause and caring for it enough to open your hearts tonight. Enjoy the music, enjoy the food and most importantly enjoy the company."

All seven of them sat stuffed at their dinner table when Wakey!Wakey! came on stage and started performing and the room started cheering.

"I would love to take credit for the music, but it was 100% Peyton." Brooke admitted.

"Is that supposed to surprise us, Brooke?" Nathan asked her in an obvious tone.

"Well Nathan Scott, for that I am making you come dance with me." Brooke said with a smirk on her face and her hand stuck out. Nathan reluctantly took her hand with a groan and followed her to the dance floor. Lucas glanced over at Haley and the next thing Haley's arms were around Lucas's neck and they were swaying back and forth just like they did in junior high school.

"Can you believe how our lives turned out? You're about to be a dad for the second time Luke." Haley beamed at him.

"I know. Sometimes my heart aches in such an amazing way because of how things turned out. Who would've thought that two dorky kids from Tree Hill would end up in New York City with their best days still ahead?"

She smiled at him knowingly, neither of them would be here without each other or without Nathan and Peyton. "It's like every single little moment led us to this one. Things could have turned out so differently by changing one little thing."

Lucas looked down at her, "And they say I talk like a writer."

"Well… You do, Shakespeare."

* * *

"You're a great guy, Nathan." Brooke said out of nowhere and Nathan looked at her oddly, "I mean it. You have become such a kind person despite everything that life has thrown at you. Always putting others before yourself. I just wanted to let you know that. And just know that she thinks that too."

"Thanks, Brooke." He said as he hugged her tightly as the song came to a close. He glanced over at Haley who was smiling largely at Lucas. In that moment to him, it didn't matter the things that had happened – his heart would always be hers.

They all finished the night dancing and talking and enjoying the company that they were in. They stayed until the very end of the night to make sure that Brooke got everything cleaned up - to which she was very thankful for.

Haley looped her arm through Nathan's as they walked the street to find an available cab, "You look really nice tonight by the way."

"You know my dad always said, "A man is only as good looking ad the woman on his arm", so I guess that means this is probably the most attractive I've looked all night."

Haley smiled at his comment, no matter how goofy "I always knew that you're dad was smarter than you..."

* * *

Nathan and Haley stumbled through the front door slightly tipsy and laughing about the cab driver they had on the way home. Haley instantly kicked off her high heels as she walked into the kitchen grabbed a bottle of wine and two glasses and headed for the patio.

"Where are you going?" Nathan asked her.

"Ah, we are going to have a night cap to end this wonderful evening and since you're going back to Lucas's tomorrow might as well enjoy one last night." Haley said as she continued out the door with a smiling Nathan following closely behind.

Haley stood and let the cool air blow through her hair that had fallen out hours ago, "It'll be strange not having you around. I've gotten used to having a roommate."

"Well I'm the one going back to a rambunctious 4-year-old and a soon-to-be new born baby. I'm gonna miss being around you," Nathan said as he rose to stand beside her.

They looked at each other and Haley bit her lip as she felt heat rise in her cheeks. She didn't really want him to go but her feelings were complicated and she couldn't figure out where her head and heart were at with him here. The intensity between them felt electric and Nathan reached out to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. He let his hand rest on the side of her face and they both reveled in the feeling it was sending through them.

 _This is it_ , Nathan thought, _now or never._ And then he kissed her. She was letting herself get too lost in the moment. It was the alcohol and the fact that he looked so good in a tux. She was snapped out of it when she felt his cold hand touch her back and pull her flush against his body and she roughly shoved him away from her. They both knew where that was going to go. Suddenly Haley was back in 2015 when Nathan last showed up on her doorstep.

"No no no. THAT is not happening again. I'm in a relationship, and am not some whore that you can use when it's convenient for you. That's not fair." Haley puffed out.

"Excuse me?" She was acting like a crazy person.

"Oh come off it, Nathan. This is like deja fucking vu. You show up and kiss me, we fall into bed and then you leave. I will not be another name on the string of girls you just have sex with Nathan."

"Are you kidding me right now? First, my sexual history from when we weren't together isn't exactly any of your business. You don't get to be a hypocrite of that. You damn near ripped my heart right from my chest and I was trying to fix it. I make no apologies for how that was done." Now Nathan was angry. This had been bottled in the both of them for so long.

"So you told me having sex 'meant nothing' that night because what? You wanted some type of stupid revenge? To hurt me like I hurt you?" Haley asked incredulously.

"So I broke down and came to see you, big deal? You were the one that tried to tell me you missed me and I could not have my heart ache that way again… So I lied, maybe to hurt you like you hurt me. But don't act innocent in this because this is what you wanted. Us not being together is what you wanted," Haley was silent, "Oh so now you want to be quiet? You want to talk about my mistakes but not yours? Don't you remember what you said to me that day Haley?"

"I remember," she whispered.

"I came home after a long day of practice and you were sitting on the couch. God you looked like you had been crying all day. I asked you what was wrong and you told me that you couldn't look at me without wanting to hit me, without seeing her face. That your depression was all my fault. That if I would have just left you and Lucas alone that none of this would be happening to you. And then you told me to go to L.A. and never come back. You said even if I stayed you were leaving me because you didn't love me anymore. Then you walked out the front door. I've never been the same." Nathan could feel tears brimming his eyes but he didn't know if they were because he was angry or sad.

"Nathan I can't talk about this…" Haley was panicking. She had never told anyone the real reason she said those things to Nathan.

"No way. You wanted to hash out why I left you that day then let's hash out why you left me. Let's have it, if I can live through that day then I can live through this."

"I did it for you okay! I never meant any of that, I did it for you!" Haley shouted and Nathan felt every wall around his heart fly up. He was dumbfounded.

"What do you mean, you did it for me? Letting me deal with Natalie's death on my own and losing you? How was that for me, Haley?"

Haley could hardly control her tears and she took a deep breath, "I went to see Clay that morning and he told me you were going to turn down the offer from the Lakers. And you had sacrificed so much for me already that I couldn't have you sacrifice that because of where I was at. It was your dream; you couldn't lose that too." There it was. All out on the table.

Nathan let out a laugh in disbelief. "What...", he tried to compose a logical thought but all he could see was red, "You don't get it. My dream was always you! And you just decided after being together for 6 years what I should be doing. That wasn't your choice to make, it was mine. I'm the one that gets to decide what my life is like and from the moment I met you, you were the one thing I wanted to be in it. Basketball never even held a candle to you. But you left because you thought you knew what was best for me? And that decision left me on my own – dealing with the things that we should have been dealing with together. God! You are so unbelievably selfish. How dare you."

"I'm sorry. I know now that it wasn't right but you have to believe that I did it because I loved you… I will always love you." Haley said as she stepped forward and reached out to him.

Nathan stepped away in near disgust, "I can't even look at you right now. I was so good to you even after you crushed me because I was thinking about you. But you never thought about me. I was so naïve to think that I still wanted you in spite of everything. It was one thing to have dealt with you leaving me when I thought that you didn't love me then but now I know that you lied to my face... that you broke my heart intentionally just so I got to play a stupid game. You aren't even worth it anymore." He shook his head again in disbelief and stormed towards the door.

"Nathan please wait…" Haley begged as he opened the door to leave.

"No. I'm done waiting around thinking that one day we'll get past this. I'll be civil with you Haley, but god any kind of friendship, or whatever this was, we had is over. Please leave me alone." And with that he slammed the door and Haley dropped to her knees and cried because she wished now more than anything that she could take it all back. And there Nathan was burned unlike ever before by the woman who had always consumed his life.


	7. Chapter 7

**Here's the newest update - it's my longest chapter so far and I feel like it turned out really well - I hope you all enjoy it. Credit to Lady Gaga for the song used later in the chapter. Let me know what you think! xoxo**

* * *

Nathan crept into Peyton and Lucas's house in the early hours of the morning. He was exhausted but had traded sleep for a few hours of basketball at the park to work through his thoughts. He saw the lights on in the kitchen and ran his hands over his face – he wasn't really expecting anyone to be up. He walked towards the light to find Peyton turned around and getting herself a glass of water. He was about to make his presence known when she spoke first,

"You really shouldn't sneak up on someone who's as big as a house. You never know where that could get you," She joked as she turned to face him, "but the more pressing question is why Nathan Scott is sneaking in at 4:30 in the morning?" She raised her eyebrow at him.

There weren't many things that Nathan (or anyone for that matter) could get past Peyton, she had always been able to easily read those around her. He wondered for a second if she and Lucas knew about Haley the whole time. Would they really keep something like that from him?

"Did you know, Peyton?"

She became increasingly confused. Nathan looked distraught, like something was plaguing his thoughts, "Did I know what?"

"Did Haley tell you why she broke up with me?"

"I know as much as you do. Lucas and I were so mad at her when it first happened, and then you made us hear her out. Why? What's going on?" Peyton motioned for the barstools at the kitchen island and they sat down next to each other.

"She told me she didn't want to be with me anymore so that I wouldn't turn down the Lakers. She has apparently 'always loved me' and 'did that for me'… That's what she told me tonight… after I kissed her."

Peyton silently took in the information that Nathan had just unloaded. Haley had told them all that she broke up with Nathan because it was too painful. This didn't make any sense.

"I don't get it why would she do that? Why did she lie about it? And wait… you kissed her?"

"Yeah… It was stupid, I'll admit, but I just wanted her to know that what I had always felt for her wasn't going to change before it was too late. I never even got to say that before I had this bomb dropped on me. 5 years, Peyton. I have believed that Haley didn't love me for 5 years. Then I find out she says that so that I would move to L.A. and 'follow my dream'. What is that? What do I do with that?"

"This is unbelievable. All along Haley has been painting this picture of her heart being so broken and overcoming all of these things when she decided that for the both of you. She can't just go around making decisions for all the people around her…"

"I know. I just think I need to digest it all. We should have been there for each other. Even after I left I was always there for her. Making sure that you guys looked after her instead of me because I knew that she was struggling," Nathan started to choke on the tears that he felt like he had been holding in, "I never got to heal because I was so worried about Haley. She could've prevented all of this weight I continue to carry around with me. She was never there for me."

"I'm so sorry, Nathan. For all of it." Peyton said as she pulled Nathan's head to her shoulder as he shed silent tears. Her heart pulled in her chest as she couldn't find the words to comfort him.

* * *

Haley hadn't gotten any sleep either. After Nathan stormed out and she finally stopped crying, she wrapped herself in a blanket and sat on the balcony that connected to her room. Watching the sun rise helped to calm her down, but it didn't bring her any peace of mind. Nathan wasn't supposed to find out that way and god he wasn't supposed to kiss her and make her feel the way that he always had.

After admitting it out loud, Haley realized how ridiculous her reasons probably were. But she was in a really bad place and the thought of Nathan one day resenting her or leaving her anyways was enough to convince her altered state of mind that it was the right thing to do. She was naïve to think that this was going to be easy to overcome but then again it was her fault to begin with.

The buzzing of her phone against the concrete had her moving from her position for the first time in what felt like hours. She raised the phone to see that it was nearly 8 in the morning and Blake was calling her. She groaned. She had spent the whole night thinking about Nathan and if he would ever forgive her. Blake hadn't crossed her mind once, and with that she clicked her phone and sat it back down.

…...

Lucas knocked forcefully on Haley's door until she swung it open. Her face immediately fell, "Lucas…" She muttered as he pushed past her through the door.

"So Hales, do you want to tell me exactly why Nathan looks like someone beat up his puppy and why I found out this morning that my best friend since I was little has spent the past 5 years lying to herself and everyone else?"

"I'm sorry! Okay?! I'm sorry!" Haley exclaimed, "I did what I did and I can't take it back. I'm not trying to make up excuses for myself and my actions."

"But Haley the past 5 years you've been making excuses about what really happened. You should've been honest with all of us. But especially with Nathan."

"I know that now. And if I could take it all back I would. I've been selfish really… leaning on you and Peyton and not letting you be fully on his side. I'm sure he hates me now… Peyton too." She gave him a sad look, but she knew this was going to happen and that it was her fault.

Lucas softened his tone. He didn't want to make it worse when she was clearly beating herself up about it. "If they hated you, they wouldn't be as mad as they are. We just expected a lot more out of you Haley… I just think it's best if maybe we separate ourselves for a little while. With the baby coming and Nate moving back in… We just really need to be there for him. I think this is the best way to do it." Then Lucas turned back towards the door. He loved Haley but sometimes tough love is what did her best.

As he opened the door he looked back over his shoulder to make eye contact with her.

"Luke, I'm sorry. For making you choose. For lying to you too. For everything really. I'm just sorry." Haley whispered with a slight shrug of her shoulders.

Lucas nodded, "I know," and clicked the door shut temporarily on his friendship with Haley.

* * *

August 31. 2017

"Now Nathan Scott what exactly are you doing here after hours?" Coach Hornacek asked as he slowly walked into the middle of the court.

Practice had ended hours ago, but Nathan stayed and enjoyed the feeling of the arena. The place where it started for him, and the place where it ended. He stopped what he was doing and turned to face his coach, "Basketball is the best kind of therapy, Coach."

"Don't I know it. I spent a lot of late nights in the gym too. What's on your mind?"

"I'm worried about letting everyone down. People are expecting great things from me and I'm afraid I won't be up to par…"

Nathan's coach walked over and sat on the sidelines and Nathan soon followed suit, "Nate, we're both pretty new to this team. It's only my second season so I'd be lying if I told you that people weren't expecting a lot from the both of us. But your stats showed strong in L.A. and I doubt there will be any difference here. You just have to leave it all out on the court evert time that you step onto it"

"Thanks coach. I guess we'll see in a month's time." Nathan said as his coach smacked his back softly. They had grown close over the past few months, bonding over their newness to the team. Although Nathan quickly felt like this team was going to be very close to him. His coach slowly stood and started walking away.

"Get some rest Nathan. And talk to whoever she is. Late night basketball over a woman means that there's something worth working out." His coach said over his shoulder and then he was gone. The thing was though that Nathan didn't think he could wait to work it out any longer.

* * *

Haley swiped on last minute lipstick, grabbed her clutch and made it down the stairs in time to hear a knock on her front door. Blake had apparently noticed Haley's lack of enthusiasm and attempt to spend any time with him over the past 2 weeks – which led to the suggestion of a fancy dinner. She smiled at him as she opened the door but it didn't quite reach her eyes.

"You look beautiful, Haley. Let's get going – we don't want to be late for our reservation."

They took a taxi to the restaurant and while Blake complained it smelt a little too much like cigarettes, it reminded Haley of her first year in the city and brought a little bit of comfort. They walked into a dim, very fancy restaurant. The host led them to a very secluded candle lit table in the back corner. Blake pulled out her chair and sat across from her. As Haley scanned the room she couldn't help but think about how this place probably was home to many engagement stories. She almost choked on her water when that word popped into her head. She knew better than to think that Blake was going to propose to her.

Haley was fiddling with the dessert in front of her, barely eating anything. This was a 3 course meal and Haley had hardly touched any of it. Her stomach was unsettled.

"Are you okay? I thought this was your favorite dessert?" Blake asked her. Haley felt guilty. He was putting an effort into making her feel better and he didn't even know what was going on.

"Oh, yeah. I'm fine. Just haven't been feeling the greatest lately. Enough about me. How have you been?" Haley answered with the best smile she could muster up on her face.

"Actually I brought you here tonight because I got some really exciting news today and I couldn't tell you over the phone," Blake said as he slid a box over to her.

A small set of panic came over Haley as she opened it. She was relieved and confused to see that it was only a key in the box. She twisted it in between her fingers and looked up, searching for further explanation.

"So you know how I've been working with the MAYO clinic recently?" Haley nodded. "Well they offered me a job as the head of their pediatric oncology department today. They want me to run the whole operation there." He was beaming and Haley felt a genuine smile fill her face for the first time in weeks. She always had a soft spot for a person that was talking about their passions. Plus they had shared a lot of big moments with each other, something that she had forgotten.

"Congratulations!" Haley said as she squeezed his hand across the table, "But that means that…."

"Yeah. I have to move there. By the end of September actually…" He shifted in his chair, "I was thinking that maybe you would come with me. Our relationship has kind of come to a screeching halt and I think getting out of New York could be a really good thing. So what do you say? Move with me?"

As soon as he mentioned living together the only thing she saw was Nathan's face that day he showed her the brownstone for the very first time. He had looked so happy, a stark contrast to the last time they had spoken. He was who she was supposed to be moving forward in a relationship with. It almost made her cry in the middle of that restaurant thinking about what she had wasted and would never get back… "Blake, I don't…"

"You know what? Don't answer right now. It's a lot to take in. Just think about it okay?"

Haley nodded and returned her head to look at her plate. She knew that she had to end things with him – she cared about him but in that moment she knew that she couldn't ever have a future with him. But she also couldn't ruin today for him – a good day for him.

* * *

September 1, 2017

"He asked you to move in with him?!" Brooke said loudly in the middle of their normal restaurant the next evening. Haley quickly covered her mouth. Brooke was the only one that didn't ice her out. While she was upset with Haley for not telling her, Brooke was the most understanding. Or maybe she was just too nice. Either way she was grateful.

"Can we for once not cause a scene in here?" Haley laughed.

"Sorry, I can't control my volume level most of the time. So he wants you to move to Minnesota, are you thinking about it?" Brooke looked at Haley's face and gasped, "You're actually thinking about it?!"

Haley rolled her eyes at Brooke's assumption, "No I'm not actually thinking about moving to Minnesota. Are you nuts?... But it did get me to thinking about moving…"

"What? Why?"

"I was just thinking that maybe going back to Tree Hill will help me figure things out. I feel so far from who I used to be. Not to mention I really messed a lot of things up here. It would just be better for everyone if I wasn't here."

"Running away isn't going to solve your issues. You can fix the problems that are here if you want to. But you have to put your whole heart into. Tree Hill isn't going to give you what you're looking for."

Haley nodded her head knowingly at Brooke when her shrill ringtone started blaring. It was a quick phone call that had Brooke breaming, "Peyton's in labor! She's having the baby. Oh my god! I'm gonna cry – I knew that she was measuring to go early but now. We are getting another baby!" They both shot out of their chairs to leave and Haley immediately sat back down.

"What are you doing Hales?"

"Peyton definitely doesn't want me there right now."

"But…"

"No 'buts; Brooke. Send them all my love. I'll meet her when they're ready for me to." It broke Haley's heart that she couldn't be there to celebrate in the joy of her best friends. She knew Nathan would be there and after her conversation with Luke… She knew it was best to respect the things that they were asking.

Brooke pulled her in and squeezed her tightly, "I'll see you later tutor girl."

* * *

September 2, 2017

Haley woke up the next morning to a text message from Lucas. It was a picture of Sawyer with a smile so big while holding a baby with chubby cheeks and dark hair – although Haley was sure that it would lighten up as she got older. All Lucas wrote was 'Anna Karen Scott. 8 lb 5 oz. Sawyer can't stop kissing her face. Peyton is doing well. They can't wait to see their Aunt Haley.'

She couldn't even contain the smile that came over her face. She was really happy for them. And she was happy that Luke at least sent her a picture of his girls – because while things were hard now she had a feeling that things could get better. She just had to prove that she was sorry.

With a lightened mood today, Haley set out to run some errands and stop by Red Bedroom and TRIC to make sure that the new artist was ready for his debut tonight. Normally this was all Peyton and Haley wasn't trying to step on her toes but since she had the baby she had a feeling that it was the last thing on Peyton's mind. She walked into Peyton's office and found a note on her desk.

"Oh this is not good." She said out loud to herself as she picked up her phone and dialed Lucas' number. She heard the ringing continue and an answer right at the last second.

"Hey Hales…" Lucas said cautiously. On the other end of the phone Peyton and Nathan both looked at Lucas with confused glares and he held up his finger to them.

"Hey Luke! First, congratulations on the newest Scott girl. She's beautiful. And um second, can I talk to Peyton? I wouldn't ask if it wasn't important"

"Um, yeah… sure…" He said as he motioned the phone to Peyton. Her eyes widened and she shook her head no. Lucas looked at her, "She said it's important." And Peyton reluctantly took the phone from his hand.

"What's going on Haley?"

"Well I stopped by Red Bedroom to check on how things were going for the show tonight since you obviously can't be here."

"Uh huh. Well thanks for doing that but I could've just had Nathan do it…"

"Right, I know. But anyways, there is a note on your desk from Billy saying that he left town and he's sorry. And I know this is the last thing you want to think about…"

Peyton pressed the bridge of her nose between her fingers, "Fucking artists. They make my job so damn difficult. Okay… So my options are cancelling? Yep I 'm just gonna have to cancel the whole thing."

"What if you don't have to? I can sing tonight… If that's okay with you." Haley suggested with caution.

Peyton paused to think about it. Even though she was mad at Haley she couldn't deny that regulars at the club loved to watch her perform. "Okay, fine. Just make it good." Peyton shortly stated as she hung up the phone. She looked around the room, "Well Haley's singing at Red Bedroom tonight for me…"

Lucas looked at her interestingly, "Hmm looks like my wife might just be all talk."

"I am very scary when I want to be. Thank you very much Lucas."

Nathan laughed out loud, "I'm sorry P. But you are far from scary right now. I've seen you cry more today than I've seen you cry all week. And that's saying a lot."

"Do you both have death wishes today? Don't mess with the hormones – they swing both ways boys."

* * *

Dressed in dark jeans and a black shirt, Nathan sat hidden at a corner table. He wasn't even sure why he was here, yet for some reason he was. He was swirling his finger around the rim of his glass, trying his best to avoid seeing anyone he knew. Nathan ran his hands over his face and discreetly walked to get another drink – he would need it. As soon as he sat down at the bar he felt a slightly unwelcome presence sit next to him and he stiffened slightly.

"Well if it isn't Haley's esteemed boyfriend. What can I do for you Blake?" Nathan snidely remarked.

"No need to get malicious, Nate. I just came over to see what you were doing here. I just assumed that you were the one that has Haley in some sort of funk." Blake said. Haley thought that he wouldn't notice the conspicuous timing of Nathan leaving and her off mood appearing. But he did notice.

Nathan half-smirked as he took another long pull of beer, "That seems to bother you a little. She never could quite control her feelings around me." He wanted to push Blake's buttons. This guy had pushed him far too many times. It's not like Nathan wanted to be in Haley's good graces anymore.

"Well considering recent events, Haley and I seem to be on just the right track… you know since we're moving and all." Nathan stiffened, he had no idea what Blake was talking about. "Anyways, I was really just trying to make sure that she was okay… I'm going with no. Enjoy the show, Nathan."

He watched Blake stride off with a certain pep in his step and Nathan had to stop himself from feeling territorial over Haley. Which infuriated him because he was still so pissed at her – especially now that Blake spilled that information. _Where the hell is Brooke Davis when you need her?_

Wherever Haley was, there was always a Brooke there to follow. It wasn't long before he spotted her coming out of the back area of the club. He quickly walked up to her, grabbed her by the arm and took her outside of TRIC.

"If you wanted me this bad you should've said something before I got engaged." She jokingly said to him, and to his surprise he found himself laughing.

"Is she really moving?" Nathan said as he turned the tone of the conversation to a more serious one.

"Who? Haley?"

"No, the Queen of Sheba. Yes, Haley."

"I don't know. I mean she talked to me about it but she didn't seem like she had made any decisions."

"She loves him enough to move to Minnesota with him…" Nathan felt like he'd been punched in the gut. She was lying to herself and that clearly meant that she didn't care enough about Nathan.

"Oh god no. Not Minnesota. She was talking to me about going back to Tree Hill."

Nathan felt relief, "Why would she do that?"

"Why are you so concerned about Haley? You wanted her to leave you alone. She's just respecting your wishes. And she feels like home is the best place to try and do that apparently… I'm not exactly a supporter of the idea."

"Because she would've just been pretending if she moved to Minnesota with that guy – and I still want her to do what's going to make her most happy. But that doesn't mean that I forgive her Brooke – I don't think I'll ever be able to."

"Do you really want her to not be here? Because Tree Hill isn't New York and how are we all supposed to believe in real love if you two aren't even in the same city?"

Nathan hugged Brooke, "Have a goodnight, Brooke." And then he walked back inside – completely avoiding further conversation and leaving Brooke stunned.

Immediately she was walking through the club, she could feel the word vomit building in her mouth. Brooke busted open Haley's dressing room door, startling everyone in there, "We need the room please." Brooke stated sternly as the house band filed out.

"Hey, Cheery. What's up?"

Brooke took a deep breath, "You have to fight for Nathan, Hales. Not some bullshit 'I'm sorry' – a real 'show him you aren't leaving him' kind of fight. I know that I've always supported you and I've told you that Blake is a good guy. But Nathan he loves you – in a really big way – just like he always has. Whether he knows it right now or not, and even though you have a million reasons to let him go. I know you love him too… and he's what you need, not Tree Hill. So please… fight for him."

...

Haley had just finished up her usual set when she rested her hands on the microphone and looked out into the crowd. The adrenaline she felt coursing through her veins was indescribable and she wondered why she'd waited so long to perform again. She laughed at the reaction the crowd was giving her.

"You guys have been the most wonderful audience tonight. I have one more song to sing for you. It's new and it's a little slower but if you'll have me – I'd love to share it." Her statement was answered with a crowd of cheers. She took that as a yes as the band wheeled a piano to the middle of the stage.

She sat down, tucked her hair behind her ears and took a deep breath and started softly playing,

 _You're giving me a million reasons to let you go  
You're giving me a million reasons to quit the show  
You're givin' me a million reasons  
Give me a million reasons  
Givin' me a million reasons  
About a million reasons_

 _If I had a highway, I would run for the hills  
If you could find a dry way, I'd forever be still  
But you're giving me a million reasons  
Give me a million reasons  
Givin' me a million reasons  
About a million reasons_

 _I bow down to pray  
I try to make the worst seem better  
Lord, show me the way  
To cut through all his worn out leather  
I've got a hundred million reasons to walk away  
But baby, I just need one good one to stay_

 _Head stuck in a cycle, I look off and I stare  
It's like that I've stopped breathing, but completely aware  
'Cause you're giving me a million reasons  
Give me a million reasons  
Givin' me a million reasons  
About a million reasons_

 _And if you say something that you might even mean  
It's hard to even fathom which parts I should believe  
'Cause you're giving me a million reasons  
Give me a million reasons  
Givin' me a million reasons  
About a million reasons_

 _I bow down to pray  
I try to make the worst seem better  
Lord, show me the way  
To cut through all his worn out leather  
I've got a hundred million reasons to walk away  
But baby, I just need one good one to stay_

 _Baby I'm bleedin', bleedin'  
Stay  
Can't you give me what I'm needin', needin'  
Every heartbreak makes it hard to keep the faith  
But baby, I just need one good one  
Good one, good one, good one, good one, good one_

 _When I bow down to pray  
I try to make the worst seem better  
Lord, show me the way  
To cut through all his worn out leather  
I've got a hundred million reasons to walk away  
But baby, I just need one good one, good one  
Tell me that you'll be the good one, good one  
Baby, I just need one good one to stay_

On opposites sides of the room, two men were having the exact same reaction. One was confused because the song was clearly for him and the other was confused because it clearly wasn't for him.

Brooke was right Nathan didn't want her to go but he wasn't really sure what he wanted from her at all and processing that thought is what led him right in front of Haley's door. He gently cracked it open and looked at Haley while she was taking off her make-up. He stared for a while and if he thought hard enough – he could pretend like the last 5 years had never happened and they were still the same couple that they'd always been. But reality would plague his thoughts just as quickly. She noticed him in the mirror and turned to face him – hopeful that they could finally talk. As she stood to make a movement towards him, he held up his hand and stopped her in her tracks.

"I'm not really sure why I'm even here or why I'm saying this, but stay…" He whispered softly.

"What?" Haley said, and not for lack of hearing but because she almost couldn't believe it.

"Stay." He said more confidently and then he left. That could've been a mistake but if she was gone then they were never going to figure it out. Haley was left happy that she saw him and disappointed because she wasn't really sure what that even meant.

* * *

Haley wrapped her jacket tightly around her body as she walked home next to Blake in the chilly night air. As they approached her house she could feel the tension between them rise. They hadn't said much to each other on the way back. She reveled in the warmth of her apartment and walked upstairs to immediately change into something more comfortable.

She stood at the bathroom sink for a while and stared at herself, these days she was someone that she hardly recognized. Haley didn't want to break Blake's heart but she knew that he would never completely fill hers. She walked downstairs and sat next to Blake on the couch.

"So that song… it was good. Lots of emotion behind it. Clearly not directed towards me. You still love him. No matter what he does, you'll stay for him…" He said with a deep sigh and Haley continued to stare at her hands, "You know, I've always been a pretty confident guy. I'm genuine and self-less and god I love you so much. I cannot begin to understand why that wasn't enough… Why I wasn't enough."

"I wanted it to be you. I wanted it to be you so badly." Haley evenly said through the tears that were running down her face. "Your kind and good to me and I wish that were enough. But it's not."

"And Nathan Scott is?"

"I gave him my heart when I was 16 years-old and I don't think I ever really got it back – he's everything." Haley said and Blake seemed to wince at the thought. "Please don't think that I didn't love you. I did… I do. But not like I should and that's why I can't do this to you anymore."

"It just sucks you know? Because I could always tell. I could look at the whole picture and I knew that something was missing. That maybe you were with me because you were lonely because your heart was never really in it. I just thought that if I loved you hard enough that that might go away…"

Haley leaned her head on his shoulder, "I'm so sorry. He's always been it for me. It wasn't fair for me to try and get rid of that with you – I did love you."

"You said that already." He said as he rested his head on top of hers.

"I meant it." Haley said, and a slight smile appeared on their faces.

"It's not going to ever be easy is it?" Blake asked with a deep sigh.

"What's not?"

"Giving someone the best of you and watching them choose someone else… Especially someone like you. I understand now why Nathan still can't let you go."

"I'm sorry." Haley whispered.

"I know." Blake said.

They both stood and Blake squeezed her hand as they walked to the door. He pulled her in for one last hug, "Take care, Haley James."

"You too." She smiled as she closed the door behind him. With her heart in tow, Haley drifted to bed – there was a lot she needed to figure out herself but she knew one thing - she was never going to be Haley James without a Nathan Scott.


	8. Chapter 8

**Hello finally! Sorry that it has taken me so long to update - the end of school and beginning of summer were very busy, as most of you can understand! I also had a tough time getting this on paper and deciding how I wanted the story to progress. That being said - this might not be the best chapter but stay with me! I still hope you enjoy and I will hopefully have the next chapter up WAY sooner. Thank you all, leave reviews. xoxo**

* * *

October 4, 2017

Nathan strolled into the back door of his temporary home and immediately went to the refrigerator to gulp down a cold water after an "I-couldn't-sleep-if-I-wanted-to-run". It was 4:30 in the morning – the morning of his first official game back at the Knicks. To say that he was having trouble sleeping was an understatement and as soon as he crossed the threshold he remembered that he wasn't the only one in the house hold that couldn't get any rest. Peyton was sitting at the island, reading glasses perched on her nose with a now one-month old baby in her arms. Anna usually wasn't calm unless she was in Peyton's arms – so she used these early morning wake-up calls as a time to work on things for Red Bedroom. Haley has been helping Peyton out and it has helped bridge the gap somewhat back into their lives – although Peyton resisted anything that wasn't on a professional level.

"How're things looking for this weekend, P? Haley find a good act?" Nathan asked as he leaned over to kiss Anna's forehead.

"Yeah, she found a local alternative rock band that has a pretty loyal following – hopefully they're good." Peyton said briefly looking up from her work, "Now 4:30 am is a normal time for me now, but why are you awake?"

Nathan sat at the island across from her, "Just thinking about the game. And thinking about my mom – I'm gonna go sit with her while she gets her chemo administered today. It all gives me a restless mind as of lately." Deb has been undergoing treatment for a little under two months and it was wearing her down. Nathan and Dan worked through their schedules to make sure that one of them was with her at all times. Both of them saw how strong she was trying to remain, but Nathan could tell that she didn't want to go through the sickness and weakness that came along with it. He knew that the only reason she was doing it was for him.

"I thought therapy was helping?" Peyton asked, turning all of her attention to the conversation. Nathan had been attending therapy for about a month. It was something he refused to do chalked up to his foolish pride, but he was surprised to realize how much it was helping.

"It does help a lot. But it doesn't cure my mom's ultimately fatal brain cancer and that I'm the only reason that she's doing it or the fact that the whole city is expecting me to kick ass tonight."

"You always put the weight of the world on your shoulders."

"And you try to put all of my weight on yours too." Nathan pointed out.

"I prefer to call it my mom instinct. Can't help but worry about you too."

Nathan stood kissed Peyton on the head, "Thanks, P. Now I'm gonna go get more sleep… you know because I don't have to be a mom this early." They shared a small smile as Nathan took the steps two at a time.

* * *

Flipping through envelope after envelope Haley strolled into Quinn's apartment, "Hey Quinny I got all of your mail from your door – oh my god my eyes!" Haley shouted as she immediately dropped the mail and threw her hands over her eyes.

Clay quickly pulled his nearby shorts around his waist, "Oh hey Hales, Quinn is in her room. Can I get you a glass of water?" he said while trying his best to contain his laughter.

"A cup of bleach or anything that will remove that image from my head will be perfect." She shuttered as Quinn strolled out into the living room with both of them. "So you and Clay are sleeping together, thanks for the heads up."

"Always so dramatic. It's not like you've never seen one before." Quinn said laughing as she put in her earrings.

"I still didn't need to see Clay's. When did this all go down exactly?" Haley asked as she looked pointedly between the two. Haley saw Quinn at least twice a week and they told each other everything.

"Well about the time that you and Nathan started fighting and I figured that hearing about me and Clay and whatever we maybe were wouldn't make you feel better. I promise I was going to tell you."

"I mean I can't say that I'm surprised he has been drooling over you since you were married to David – but I am just surprised it took him this long." Haley replied with a smirk.

"You said you wouldn't tell her about my school-boy-crushing tendencies." Clay whined in a boyish way, throwing his arms at his sides.

"I also never thought I would see you naked, so let's call it even." She said poking her tongue out at him.

"Fine." Clay turned towards Quinn, "I need to leave in about an hour. Are you coming with me or just meeting me at the arena?"

"No – I'll go with you. I figure that I can just sit in the box, and that everyone else will be there around the same time."

"A box sounds fancy. What are you guys doing? Baseball season's already over." Haley asked, oblivious to what was going on as she nosed through Quinn's fridge for a drink. At this, Quinn and Clay looked at each other awkwardly.

"Actually we are going to a basketball game. It's the Knicks first game of the season tonight, which is really important for Clay… Plus free beer so who could pass that up?" Quinn said cautiously with a laugh, not wanting to upset her sister.

"Quinn you don't need to explain yourself. It totally slipped my mind that the game was tonight. It'll be a lot of fun, just… um… call me later." Haley said as she hugged her sister good bye quickly. She gave Clay a small smile and squeezed his hand, "tell Nathan I said good luck."

Haley quietly walked on the streets of Manhattan from Quinn's apartment towards the subway attempting to keep the tears that brimmed her eyes from falling. It seemed to her as if the whole world was moving full speed ahead and she was left slowly in the background. She sat on the subway and rested her head back and tried to focus on the noises and senses that surrounded her – her therapist told her this was a way ground herself when she started feeling anxious.

As soon as she was back in her brownstone she curled on the couch with a bowl of popcorn – just like almost every night Nathan had played since he left New York. – and flipped on the pre-game and tried to think calming thoughts.

* * *

Lucas stood at the window of the suite and scanned the arena's floor. The Knicks were warming up and he could see Nathan in a pre-game interview, "Man did I miss Nathan playing here. This is so awesome."

Julian was standing next to him, having just returned from his most recent directing adventure in London. "I just missed being in New York – remind me never to leave my hot ass fiancé for that long again." He looked over his shoulder at Brooke who was ogling Anna in her arms. When she saw them looking she swayed over to talk to them.

"What do you think Julian, wanna steal her?" Brooke said, winking at Lucas over her shoulder.

"Don't make me take you off the babysitting list. You know I can't live without my girls." Lucas said trying to scoop Anna from her arms.

"No, no. It's fine – I'll just have to make my own I guess." Brooke said as she held tightly to the baby, this time winking at Julian.

"Okay – now that's just gross, you two really should have stayed home." Lucas said as he shuddered and turned to look back onto the court.

Clay walked into the suite clapping his hands in a very excited manner, "I've got a good feeling about Nathan this season and it's just about game time." He joined everyone in their respective seats, rested his elbows on his knees and leaned his face onto clasped hands. Quinn reached to rub his back, "Relax, agent. He's going to do great."

* * *

Standing in this tunnel for the first time in forever seemed surreal. He was jumping around with his teammates as they tried to pump each other up and get their blood flowing. As soon as the lights turned off his heart began to race even more – this was it, his time to show New York that he could make this a season they wouldn't forget.

The loudest siren started playing as he led his teammates into the arena - he immediately turned his smiling face and began to point to the left side of the stands and that stopped him in the middle of the court – leaving his teammates to run around him. He had to shake his head in an attempt to work the memory out of his head. It was an old habit – one that he had created every game during his rookie season. That's where Haley sat, right next to Clay there because she 'didn't need a fancy suite to watch him play in', god the way she looked in a Knicks jersey which only got better when she started to show with Natalie. Every other time that he was wearing this jersey she sat right there – and waited there until he would emerge from the locker room. He soon snapped out of his trans and continued with his team in the warm-up but something about him now felt out of balance.

* * *

Clay jumped up and ran his hands through his hair in anger, "Come on Nathan make a damn shot or maybe even a play!" He was not playing like the Nathan that was brought here from Los Angeles – hell he was hardly playing at all. It didn't go unnoticed by Clay that he stared at the left side of the arena for a little too long – even if everyone else thought he was just in awe of playing at Madison Square Garden again. Clay knew that he was inside his own head – that she was inside his head. Just then the buzzer signaling half-time went off, and Clay marched straight to the locker room to find Nathan – not bothering to acknowledge anyone else who was attending the game.

"Nathan. Office. Now." His coach wasted no time and Nathan knew the conversation wasn't going to be a good one. The door clicked behind Nathan. "What the hell are you doing out there, Scott? Because it sure as hell doesn't look like basketball to me."

"I'm gonna get it together this half coach. I don't know what happened out there..." Nathan uttered out. He was already pissed at himself.

His coach cut him off, "You better figure it out or we are gonna have to revisit playing time. You're a great player Nathan, one of the best in the NBA, but I'm new to this team too and cannot afford another bad season. Go get your head in the game."

Nathan knew better than to say anything else except he walked out of the office, past his teammates and out of the locker room – only to run into Clay right before he got the chance to take his anger out on the nearest wall. "Of course you're here right now. You want to rip me a new one too?" He was livid. He knew that thinking about Haley not being here was throwing off his game – and that's what set him over the top. That she still had this effect on him.

"I saw you during warm-ups man… I'm not stupid, I sat right next to her every game." Clay said as Nathan remained silent. "I just wanted to tell you that I saw her today and she just sent this to Quinn." It was picture of the Knicks game on Haley's TV over the fire place. Nathan quickly looked away from the image, "and she told me to tell you good luck and she really meant it … look man, you and I both know that she's been with you every time you've ever played. So do whatever you want with that information. Use it because you want to impress her or use it because you want to show her you're fine on your own or just do it for yourself. Either way you have got to stop thinking so hard, just play."

Nathan nodded and turned back into the locker room without a word. While Clay walked back to the suite, hoping that what he told Nathan would have a positive impact on his game.

* * *

The cheering and clapping was loud in the stands. Gone was the Nathan Scott that couldn't make a basket, he was on fire now – to everyone's relief. The Knicks had pulled ahead by 14 points and there was only 3 minutes left. Clay could see how much more relaxed Nathan was on the court.

"I am so glad that he turned his game around. What did you say to him, Clay?" Peyton asked curiously.

Clay's eyes darted around the room as he made eye contact with everyone, "We, um, talked about Haley. She wanted me to tell him good luck and that's what I did – told him to let that information affect him how he wanted to." Peyton slightly rolled her eyes.

"Well I'm glad that he used it in a positive way – I'm sure that Haley wishes she was actually here." Brooke chimed in cheerfully in an attempt to keep the mood lighter.

Peyton mumbled under her breath just loudly enough for it to only reach Lucas' ears, "Well I'm sure that Nathan doesn't wish she was here."

* * *

Nathan pulled a sweatshirt over his head as he prepared to leave the locker room – he was the last person there, not an unusual thing for him. He always took his time and soaked it in. Plus, after his remarkable comeback in the second half he had a lot of questions from reporters to answer – the Knicks ended up winning the game by 10. The reporters, of course, were curious where the fire came from which he chalked up to having an agent that could talk him off the edge of a cliff. Although that statement was undeniably true, he knew that it was more of the content of what Clay had told him. He slammed his locker door shut and walked to his car, an action that Peyton would soon be mimicking back at home.

* * *

"What did you just say?" Peyton asked Lucas incredulously in the kitchen, trying her best to keep her voice down because of the sleeping children upstairs. Although their conversation had quickly turned to an argument.

"I said that I'm sick of you always speaking so negatively about Haley – you're lucky I'm the only one that heard your comment at the game. She's been my best friend my entire life and you could really cut her some slack."

"I heard you the first time. Apparently you don't know what a rhetorical question is. I don't understand why I should cut her some slack."

"I honestly think that you are more upset about this whole situation than Nathan is."

"He shouldn't have to deal with it on his own. And you're his brother and you are always worried about your precious Haley – maybe you should be the one to step to the plate instead of making me out to be this bad guy."

"You can be on Nathan's side and not be a total bitch about it." Lucas bit out. Peyton widened her eyes in hurt at Lucas and whipped her head towards the back door as she heard it open and Nathan stepped in.

"Sorry guys. Didn't mean to interrupt, I'm just exhausted and gonna head upstairs." Nathan said as he awkwardly made a beeline for the stairs

Peyton grabbed her bag off the counter, "Don't worry about it. I was just leaving anyways," she headed for the door, "do not follow me." A slammed door and then silence between Lucas in Nathan.

"I'm taking it that was about me…"

"Noooo… no…. no … What makes you say that?"

"Because all everyone does is talk about Haley and I behind closed doors. You don't have to tip toe around me. Be her friend, don't be her friend. It's fine."

"We're just doing it because we want you to be okay."

"I appreciate it. I really do, but you guys do enough already. Don't make her life worse in the meantime… and don't call your wife a bitch. I bet you're in the guest room for at least two days." Nathan said slapping Lucas on the shoulder.

Lucas groaned, "I always put my foot in my mouth."

"She'll forgive you… eventually. I'll see you in the morning."

"Night, man."

* * *

Haley turned off the game immediately after it was over. It was nearing 11 o' clock but watching Nathan search for her in a crowd and not actually being there was unsettling to her mind and she knew that she wasn't going to sleep any time soon. So she grabbed the nearest sweater, wrapped it around her body and headed out the door to Red Bedroom. On the drive over she couldn't help but wish that she could be there for Nathan - but what words could undo the past, what actions could heal the wounds that she created? She was lost on what to do, and considering that Nathan hadn't spoken to her since the night she sang at TRIC, she wasn't sure there was much that she could do.

Once she got to studio she settled in a chair with a yellow, legal pad and glasses perched on her nose. She was writing whatever came to her head. Things that she needed to do or words that she could put into a song. Then she stood up and started organizing and cleaning – a trait that had carried with her throughout her life. She was six when her mom told her to channel her feelings into something useful, 'like cleaning' she said, and well Haley had always taken things very literally. God she wished she had her mom to talk to about this, if anyone knew what to say it would be her.

Haley lifted her head from the shelf of vinyl records as she heard the creaking of the old hardwood floors getting closer only to see a distraught Peyton standing in front of her.

"God. Of course! I want to be alone in my office and I run into you of all people." Peyton yelled in frustration as she tied her curly hair into a pony tail.

"Yeah, Peyton. The office that I so graciously have kept intact while you are away. But no it's fine. Why don't I just thank myself?"

"I'm not really in the mood for attitude. I've gotten plenty of that tonight, thank you."

"Tough. I've been dealing with your attitude with a little extra on top of that – so if anyone isn't in the mood for it, I can assure you that it's me."

"Oh right. You have so much to deal with after forcing my best friend across the country to grieve on his own. But sure you're the one with all the problems."

"Don't pretend like you even know anything about my problems."

Peyton searched through her cabinets until she found the bottle of wine she kept hidden, and cracked it open, "Well at least I would handle my problems a lot better than you have."

Haley laughed at the audacity of Peyton's comment, "You do not know how you would handle my situation, you know why? Because your daughters are alive and sleeping at home in bed with your perfect husband while you stand here and drink for whatever fucking reason you may have – that is probably not good enough," Haley's voice cracked with emotion as tears started to pour down her face, "Do you know where my daughter is, Peyton? Dead! She's dead. Do you know where the love of my life is? Not here!"

"Haley…" Peyton whispered. She didn't ever mean to hit that nerve; she was just mad at Lucas for being right. And now here she was proving that he was more right than before.

"You guys are my 'friends' but I can't go watch a basketball game with my own sister, hell I can't even meet my best friend's new daughter. Everyone is moving on in their lives and I am stuck in the past constantly dealing with things that I wish I could change and I'm all by myself – and I am drowning in it. So do not pretend like you know anything about how to handle my problems." Haley finished, taking a deep breath to calm her racing heart and a large swig of the wine in Peyton's hand – as she wiped her tear stained cheeks with her sleeve.

Peyton couldn't help but let tears fall as Haley was crying – she wasn't completely heartless. "You know I came here because Lucas told me that I was being a bitch to you… I hate when he's right you know." They both lightly laughed and sat against the brick wall in the office together. "I'm sorry. For being a bitch. For not letting you meet Anna. And for not being able to make sure that you were okay too… making you feel alone."

She continued, "I guess I never put myself in your shoes. I just empathized with Nathan and how he had to deal with Natalie's death so unconventionally. I never stopped to consider all that you had to go through too… and I'm a mom who would die without those girls… God I suck sometimes."

"You're just loyal, but sometimes you let it make you suck." Haley joked as she looked at Peyton – both puffy eyed and sick of the fighting. "It's not like I was there for him, so at least he has you, right?" She said sadly.

"Lucas also told me that I was more upset than Nathan was. You know why?" Peyton asked as Haley shook her head no. "Because I thought Nathan would get depressed again. No one knows, not even Lucas… but when Nathan first moved to L.A. before he started training, he got really bad. He was torn up over losing you on top of losing Natalie, and he would go a little heavy on the pain killers sometimes. So when he found out what happened I was sure that he was gonna go back to that person and I was scared for him. I just wanted to protect him the best that I could"

This revelation only made the tears fall harder for the both of them, "I never wanted this for him for either of us. I can't change what happened and I don't know how to not want to."

"He always wanted you Haley. Still does."

"Who could want the girl that took away your life for 5 years?"

"Tonight there was only one reason that his game turned around – you. Clay talked to him about you and what you said earlier. I don't know the details, but I know that it involved you and that he was on fire the rest of the night. I'm gonna assume that it wasn't a coincidence." Peyton looked at her with a soft smile.

"Why'd you tell me that?" Haley asked, surprised at Peyton's forthcoming.

"Because contrary to what I like to believe, the world doesn't revolve around me. And because regardless of what I've said or done and will probably say and do, you are my friend. I'm sorry that I made you doubt that. But I'm not sorry that I'm giving Nathan support."

Haley leaned her head onto Peyton's shoulder, "Thank you. Maybe I'll see you soon. At lunch with Brooke, maybe?" It was time that they both buried the hatchet and realized that both of their actions and attitudes came from a place of good reason.

She leaned her head back against Haley's, "I'll be there." Peyton slowly stood, said goodbye so that she could go home to her girls, to go home to her husband.

She tip-toed across the guest bedroom and laughed when she noticed that Lucas was in here – already punishing himself. She slid in the bed behind him and wrapped her arms around his waist as she pressed into his back, stirring him lightly from sleep.

"I'm sorry…" Luke said groggily.

"You were right." Peyton whispered and silent tears rolled from her eyes to fall on his back, making him turn to face her. "I'm a bitch and I'm sorry and I love you and I'm so thankful for the life that we share and I'm never gonna take that for granted, I'm never gonna take you for granted." She buried her head in his chest glad that the three most important people to her were well – some people didn't get a happy ending. But she was hoping that somehow, despite all her negativity, that Nathan and Haley would – together or apart.


End file.
